When to say Goodbye or When is Enough?

[bearkat]

This topic has been covered on the forum before, but most of the authors have dogs with cancer, or some other kind of terminal problem. In cases like those, sadly, there is a fairly defined lifespan, and a person can be prepared with extra medication, etc., for when the time comes.

My problem is slightly different, and I would like all of your input. As you know from recent posts here, Gisela developed growths on her eyelids, and because of this, we took her to the vet. Her other symptoms were stumbling, crankiness, and weight gain. The vet took blood samples, and gave her oral antibiotics for the infection in her eyes, which he indicated was caused by clogged tearducts. Her eyelids, top and bottom, are puffed up like balloons.. She was also diagnosed with cataracts, and for the last year or so, she has been so sore from arthritis that she gets an aspirin almost every day. That day's vet bill was over $200.00, and he said if the antibiotics didn't work, they could operate on her eyes, but wouldn't guarantee positive results, and the cost would run about $700.00, for both eyes.

I guess my question is if your dog was 9 years old, sick, overweight (probably thyroid problems), and their quality of life had dropped to about 1/3 of normal, would you say enough?

My emotional attachment to Gisela is such that if I was a millionaire, I would try to keep her alive until she was 100 years old, for MY selfish, emotional needs, but when is it fair to HER that I screw up the nerve to take her to the vet for the last time?

I feel the same way about people, who would want to be in a vegetative state for umpteen years just because modern technology can make it happen?

We could continue the treatment for Gisela, surgery, thyroid medication, help her around because she is going blind, give her arthritis medication, but what is FAIR AND HUMANE FOR HER???



[This message has been edited by bearkat (edited April 27, 1999).]

[Lady B]

Bearkat: Look inside your heart -- you already know the answer. If I were walking in your shoes, and I will be some day sooner than I want to, I would do the most humane, loving act I could. Money and medical care can not erase the passage of time for your beloved Gisela. The only thing I would do differently is get the vet to my house for this act of compassion. Then I would take my beloved friend to her most favorite place in the yard and lay her to rest. I would give honor to her beautiful life by creating a special garden that would represent all the beauty, all the joy she had given me over the years.

This is the most difficult part of loving and I wish I were there just to give you a hug. The hardest decision to make is the difference between quality of life and quantity of life.

[This message has been edited by Lady B (edited April 28, 1999).]

[bearkat]

Lady B, thank you, again... I am crying so hard I can't type, but you validated my feelings. I am just so SURE that she could have some more GOOD days, and I want her to be able to enjoy them, if they should come... at the same time, I suffer with her. Last night, I laid down with her, she is bloated so much that when she lies down, her legs don't touch each other, and her eyes are swollen, and she whimpers.. She told me what she wanted... We had a long talk, and I guess I have accepted this to the degree I am able to.

You are right, though, and I have looked into my heart, and I know the answer...

The answer is just so hard to accept...

[Lady B]

Bearkat: Nancy made an excellent point. On a good day would be best. It makes the remaining memories kinder to your heart and allows you the liberty of letting go much easier.

[bearkat]

Words cannot begin to express how much I appreciate all of you out there. Because of your outpouring of support, I feel at least slightly stronger.

I, too, agree with Nancy that she should go on a good day. Because of that desire, we have started giving her double the aspirin, now up to two a day, moist heat therapy daily, and I soak her eyes with a warm washcloth 2-3 times a day. My husband and I have talked it over, and have decided that Monday, the 3rd of May, will be the day, if Gisela is in pretty good spirits.

One issue with my husband is he refuses to bury her here on the property, stating his reasoning is that I will mourn her more if I have daily access to her plot. We have tentatively agreed to bury her in the Black Hills, a drive of about an hour. His other reason is that he doesn't plan on retiring here, and he wouldn't want to leave Gisela here without us. Sort of makes sense, I guess. He has agreed to have the vet come here to the house, where Gisela would be more comfortable and relaxed. We have a beautiful HUGE aspen tree in the yard that is just leafing out, and barring bad weather, we will have a little party on the lawn beforehand, and then take her to the Hills for a funeral, just my husband and me.

I can truly say that I love you all, and thank God everyday that there are people out there who care..

Gisela sends her love, too..
Val

[CarolineS]

Val,

I hope this doesn't upset you, but have you considered cremation? I didn't want to bury my little dog on the property in case we ever moved and I couldn't let the vet "dispose" of her, so I opted for cremation. We have a service in Toronto that is set up for this very purpose, overseen by a vet, and you receive your pet's ashes in a tasteful urn, with a certifcate, signed by the vet guaranteeing that the ashes are indeed your pet's. Little GiGi now rests near my desk (she was always at my feet) and close to pictures of her.

I can tell you from personal experience that you won't mourn any less by not having Gisela buried there. It is a good thing to be reminded of your pet and grieve. It is a necessary part of the process and you have to go through it to get to peace and the good memories. I found my husband was scared to even mention GiGi's name because he didn't want to see me cry, your husband is probably feeling the same way. We are lucky, being women, that we can freely cry and express our grief. Men don't have that luxury.

Caroline

[This message has been edited by CarolineS (edited April 28, 1999).]

[Nancy Estes]

I think, for myself, it's important to try to let the dog go when they're having a good day. This might sound odd but, if you know the dog has a terminal condition that will only get more painful or disabling, why wait until they can't bear it anymore? Over the past 30 years I've had to have many dogs put down and I learned the hard way how cruel it can be for the dog for you to wait too long to call the vet.

Nancy

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