Devastated... cancer again...

[my2rotties]

Jan 30 will be the sad seven year milestone of our loss of Sheena. She made it 18 months post DX with no medical treatment. I took a crash course in diet, nutrition and vaccine issues. I feel the changes I made were the reason she was with us so much longer (never long enough). Between then and now, I lost Damian to OS (10/16/01), and Brodie. my senoir rescue (01/23/2006) to HS.

Two weeks to the day after our loss of Sheena, I brought Diva home to mend my broken heart. She has been my side kick and heart and soul ever since. She never had a medical problem (aside of the stupid stuff), and has been the picture of health and happiness her entire life. I honestly believe that Sheena played a role in connecting e with Diva. Diva seemed to know who we were, and where home was. She never needed to bond, she already was. I could never ask for a better dog. Everything came naturally to her, and I never had any issues with anything. She has been so much fun through the years, that they zoomed by so fast. She has comforted me through the deepest and darkest days of my life so far. Always giving me a reason to get up in the morning and a reason to face another day. She turned seven on Nov 18, and I said lets look forward the getting to eight.

Two days before xmas, my hubby mentioned Diva's glands were swollen, not thinking much about it. When he saw the look on my face, as well as the pale shades of white I turned, he knew things were not good. My holidays were ruined since our vet was not open until the 27th. Her nodes were the size of golf balls, and I realized that our time together might not be for long. While I waited for the vet to open, I did my research and saw how things always end.

Dr.T is certain it is cancer, but his vet tech was away. He referred me to an oncologist and I made an appointment. I was going to move heaven and earth to save my reason for living. I spoke to the oncologist via phone, and he said I would not be able to stay with her for treatment. She has a million tests that had to be done, and I knew then I could not do this to her. I knew I was thinking about myself, and having to deal with losing her. She would hate life, and she is not the best patient, since she is healthy. I cancelled everything and went to see Dr.T the next day and said lets treat it as an infection, and hope for the best. She is not tolerating the prednisone so I have had to wean her off. I saw a holistic vet and she is on some heavy duty Chinese herbs, as well as different supplements and tinctures.

I also am looking into Artesiminin, but nobody knows what it is around Calgary. I sent for some, and a few people are working behind the scenes to get into Canada early next week. Diva is still eating well, and has not started losing weight. She seems tired alot, but I would imagine being bombarded by all these herbs and supplements is not helping. The weather sucks, and it is not boosting moral around here either.

I will not keep her alive for myself, but I will not let her go without a fight. I just have to wonder why we are dealing with cancer again. She has eaten human grade high quality meals, has not been bombarded with vaccines, or been on any meds in her lifetime. I have had five Rotties and she is the fourth to get cancer. Number five is a foster that will just stay with us from now on. He is about nine years old, and I wait for the day he is not well too. I have only had him six months, and want to murder his last owners. This guy was over eight years old and healthy as a horse. Then they just dumped him... So many of us don't even get to see eight years old...

All of my dogs have been in this home when the cancer came knocking. Is it my house, the location or is the water in the river that they swim in every summer day? Is it the city of Calgary? Is it the breed for sure? I don't want any other breed of dog. Does this mean that I am destined for heartache with every Rottie that I have?

I am scared to even go to a COE breeder, since they will see that their puppy will be destined to die of cancer if he or she comes home with me. This was not supposed to happen to Diva. I did everything right with her! I just don't understand. I do my very best to give my dogs a life that they deserve and cherish. I put their needs before my own... I am beside myself. Please excuse all the typos, as I have been typing through tears.

[kerry grant]

Hey you cannot be held responsible for cancer you have been delt a horrible card in the game of fate.I wish i could help you but i really do not know what to say,All you can do is be there for your Rottie, she knows you love her ,you rescued her and as we all know Rotties are not stupid. She knows she is loved and thats what matters.Im sorry i cant give you answers but you are in my thoughts xxxxxx

[newbrunswick]

My heartfelt prayers go out for you. It seems a difficult set of cards have been dealt for you - I know you will be strong for Diva and give her the very best care possible. It seems that moving heaven and earth for her is something you will do. I am so sorry - I will keep you in my prayers.

Clare

[Bucky's Mom]

Originally Posted by my2rotties

I will not keep her alive for myself, but I will not let her go without a fight. I just have to wonder why we are dealing with cancer again. .....................All of my dogs have been in this home when the cancer came knocking. Is it my house, the location or is the water in the river that they swim in every summer day? Is it the city of Calgary? Is it the breed for sure? I don't want any other breed of dog. Does this mean that I am destined for heartache with every Rottie that I have?

I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

I know the breed has a high incidence of cancer (but so do other breeds)

Since you raised the house issue - do you happen to know if neighbors have had a high incidence of cancer in their dogs (regardless of the breed)?

[brodiesmom]

I am sorry to hear this I know how bad cancer can be I lost my mother to that horrible disease.. Let me say this ALL things happen for a reason. Maybe these dogs were brought into your life becasue God knew with you they would have compasion and love. If they were in another home they could have been made to suffer or been abused even. At least with you they knew what it felt like to be loved and cared for.. YOU made their life good and made them whole.. You are one very strong person but your rotties are the ones that have gained from that.. Don't think this is anything you have done wrong. You did it right you made their life good and happy that is more than some rotties ever have even being healthy...

[brunie's mom]

I am so sorry to hear that your dog is sick.
Please remember that you have done the best you could for your dog. Feeding the best foods, giving less vaccinations are things that we can control. When a dog get's sick, we feel so helpless.

I think genetics also plays a part in this. I think some COE breeders are now breeding for longevity. If the sire and/or dam die young with cancer...I do think pups from those lines will probably experience cancer too.

It does not matter how long they live....they never live long enough.

Gina

[Anne]

my2rotties: Our experience in the last 15 months has been much like yours. Our family has lost 3 beloved dogs to cancer in that period of time.

I was just about to tell you how it was but find I am far too emotional when I try to go into the details....maybe because it's late at night here and that's when we seem to think deeply about our loss and feel such pain.

I wish you all the best and know you will do all you can possibly do for your beloved dog. My prayers are with you.

[Sheenagirl]

I agree that your best friends have come into your life for a reason. Same thing with my Sheena that passed away on Dec. 22nd (yeah my Christmas was hard to get through too) - had anyone else owned her she would not have made it to almost 11 years old. She had chronic UTI's from the time she was a few months old. Just like you we did everything in our power to keep our animals well - and they absolutely knew they were loved.
I know you feel like your world is crashing but you will be strong for Diva - I know you are doing everything you can to help her.
I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for Diva and your family - I am here if you need to talk....

[my2rotties]

As to the neighbors pets, nobody has any around here. Wait a dog that lived on the pond (my dogs are not allowed near it) died from cancer, but all the other dogs there seem to be fine. The elderly man across the street is in the last stages of his eight year battle with cancer, and the neighbor lady backed onto my yard had breast cancer.

I never posted any news prior to this, in fear of jinxing my girl. Since Diva's nodes have been up, I really don't eat or sleep. I'm one of those that goes of food in emotional upheaval. Good thing, because since January of 2005, I have had to deal with the worst things in my life... to date so far. I felt that if I wrote about our plight, her fate would be sealed. Stupid, I know, but you reason with someone that hardly eats or sleeps.

After posting, I did a few things in my studio, and started heading for bed. Diva heads me off at the pass, and would not leave me alone. I helped her into bed with us (hubby passed right out), and she was panting and her breathing was very labored. She was very restless and I had to turn towards the foot of the bed, and comfort her. Of course my mind is racing, and I don't even know where to find a vet for a house call. She must be at home when her time comes. I went downstairs to my studio and sobbed until my guts ached. Then I pulled myself together, and reasoned with myself. Then I just started to "hope". Even if it got me through an hour or so, "hope" would pull me through. One can only hope it was a small healing crisis, which I have read about. However, I don't think I would want to wait and see for very long.

Diva came down at 8:30am, with bright eyes, and her bitchie attitude towards the other dogs and her stuff (everything in the house). She took all her herbs, tinctures, and vitamins in a plethora of cream cheese, ate her beef breakfast, then came mooching for a carcass (big raw beef bone). She has now chewed herself to sllep, and I am sitting here in limbo... How I'm going to get myself going is beyond me. I'm just glad she's still okay, because I really thought it was the end earlier. I can't think about it yet, she is all the good that is left within me.

[Bucky's Mom]

Originally Posted by my2rotties

I helped her into bed with us (hubby passed right out), and she was panting and her breathing was very labored. She was very restless and I had to turn towards the foot of the bed, and comfort her. ............................I'm just glad she's still okay, because I really thought it was the end earlier. I can't think about it yet, she is all the good that is left within me.

Please remember how stoic these dogs are and how long and well they tolerate pain.

I don't say this to hurt your heart even more - but I feel it is important that we don't see only what we want to see at these times.

Have you made a list of her three favorite things? It always seems like a good indicator to plan ahead and say when she can't do two of the three things - it is time.

[Sheenagirl]

Gosh Diana I could have written your last post myself - it is so much what I went through and how I felt!
Does Diva have any fever? Sheena had labored breathing and it was because of the fever.
With Sheena it wasn't what she could no longer do but have I done everything medically possible for her so far. I would not give up until our vet told us that we had done everything he or I could do. Then I felt I did not let her down and I'm not stuck with any guilty feelings about what ifs.
Diva still has bright eyes, eating and is getting around fine. I would like to see Diva take the antibiotics - just to make sure it isn't some kind of infection - then you would know for sure. Please keep us posted.

[my2rotties]

I'm glad that you remind of this. However, Diva still goes squirrelling daily, loves to eat her specially prepared food, and make life miserable for the other two dogs. She's more tired these days, but is pouting right now, since we have not left the house yet. When I am feeling weak and defeated, she comes and pulls me through. I do the same for her... but know if love alone would keep her hered, she would not be ill.

She was on antibiotics and is still on prednisone. She does not tolerate the pred very well, and I notice on the days she takes it, her night panting resumes.

My Bubba-Choo and I are so close. I asked her to tell me if she felt she could not go on any longer. I hope and pray every second of every day, that the holistic treatments, as well as a miracle happen. I wish that Artesiminin would get here, since every day without it, reduces her chances of improvement. It is hard to get things to Canada, even in life and death situations.

Sheenagirl, I am so sorry that you went through this. Although my Sheena has been gone almost seven years, I can relive every second of that last terrible might together. Diva's eyes still sparkle and she still looks like a brat.

Originally Posted by Bucky's Mom

Please remember how stoic these dogs are and how long and well they tolerate pain.

I don't say this to hurt your heart even more - but I feel it is important that we don't see only what we want to see at these times.

Have you made a list of her three favorite things? It always seems like a good indicator to plan ahead and say when she can't do two of the three things - it is time.

[spoiledbabies3]

Diane...My heart aches for you as I understand the pain you are enduring. I am sorry for the things you are facing. I am typing this through the tears I shed with you and the ones that I shed with the difficult memories I am sharing with you...This will be hard for me, but I hope it will help you by me sharing.

Pred has several side effects...some being increased urination, increased water consumption and panting. Sasha had all of these and so does Samson. I just altered our schedule to accommodate them...

Life sucks sometimes...trust me I know because 2006 was such a year for me. Like you I have had 3 dx of cancer in my dogs...I lost Tuxedo to OS in 2001, Sasha to lymphoma in Feb, 2006 and Samson was dx in April, 2006 with 2 abdominal cancerous tumors. Like you, I too wondered about the environment, food, vaccinations, etc. I take comfort in knowing that my gang have lived in different houses, so I can honestly say the environment did not play a part in the cancer dx...I also know that after losing Tuxedo to OS I really started investigating nutrition and they are on good diets, 1/2 BARF and 1/2 premium kibble. I have also done the research on vaccinations and after initial puppy shot series and 1st booster, they are titered...yet I am on my 3rd dx of cancer...Why?...The only thing I can tell you is that I look at each of my rotties as a gift...a gift because I was lucky enough to be the human they shared their lives with...and even though the time together was not long enough, I am grateful to have been fortunate enough to have the opportunity. 2006 was extremely difficult for me because I lost Sasha on Feb 3 and my father unexpectedly died on Feb 10...I take comfort in knowing Sasha went ahead to welcome dad. I also lost my grandmother to cancer on Dec 8...less than 1 week after I had surprised her at her 95th birthday celebration. My mom also fought cancer her entire life and died in 2000. So believe me when I tell you...life isn't fair...and the cards I have been dealt seem to be stacked against me. But I keep getting up in the morning and looking forward to each day...I think because I believe that each person that has left me, touched my life in a special way first...and I was blessed to have been the receipient they chose.

I truly hope you do not blame yourself for the losses...it's part of your path in life...you are strong, or you would not have been chosen to endure such heartache. I will tell you this, whenever I'm having an extremely difficult day for whatever reason, I am blessed enough to have sweet angels that come down...to comfort me and to help me get through it all...it's happened many times with my dad since he passed...and it happened just last week with my Sasha...she came to help mom on the very day she was dx with cancer...the 1st anniversary sucks...but it also lets me know that I am grateful to have such precious memories to keep close to my heart. Please know that many of us have been there...and it's not easy...I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you find that place in your heart that will help you get through this and will allow you peace...Bless you as you travel the rough road ahead...I am so sorry...

I am sure Diva will tell you when she's ready, Sasha did...Until then, treasure the memories you are sharing...each day is full of new things to explore...Do her favorite things...Make a pawprint....Spoil her rotten...Take lots of pictures and video....Know that these are the memories that will keep you going on the darkest of days ahead...On my darkest day Sasha joined me and the new girl she sent me last year, Deja Vu, in my office where I was surrounded by her blanket, pillow, pawprint, pictures, and a piece of her fur....I kept the fur from her chest where she absolutely loved to be rubbed...These are the tangent things that surround me from my angel girl...But her presence was felt in this room as she "nuzzled" up against me to comfort me like she always did...One day when the pain has lessened, perhaps Diva will send you another black and tan to love...much the same way she was sent to you by another angel of yours...Until then, let your feelings emerge and then let your heart start healing...only time will help it to completely mend...

[Joanne in NJ]

Diana,

I'm so sorry for you. We both went through that so long ago. I remember.

But you know. You've been together before and will be together again. You know that. They never really leave us.

You'll look in another dogs eyes and you'll know. That a piece of their soul is in there.

Joanne

[Ev]

Diana, I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. I remember reading about Sheena before I found this board. I wish I could say or do something to ease your pain. Cancer seems to take so many of our babies.

Madonna