Owners face hard decisions when pets dying

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Owners face hard decisions when pets dying
Take a few minutes and review the Pet Owner's Bill of Rights

By Connie Bloom



I can't remember a week when I haven't received a heart-rending letter from a reader lamenting the death of a dog or cat. Deborah Givens', a resident of south Akron, is the most recent.

Her pickle-loving pooch Trixie had ``a good long life,'' but when she got sick at age 14, Givens was faced with ugly reality and hard decisions.

``We are never ready,'' she wrote. ``I miss Trixie every day.''

Questions linger in her mind about the handling of Trixie's final days in a veterinary hospital. Givens wonders whether she should have been encouraged to take her dying dog home, a place of familiarity and comfort.

``The vet didn't actually forbid me, but he said she's going to have horrible convulsions. It didn't happen. She could have come home.''

Pet owner's rights

It's time to talk about my Pet Owner's Bill of Rights, a master list of outright entitlements of every doting animal owner. I'm not telling you readers anything you don't already know, but in times of crisis, you might need a cheat sheet.

Here they are. There are others. Write them down as you think of them.

1. You have the right to take your dying animal home. Just don't be hasty. Take a few minutes to answer these questions:

What would your pet want?

Are you physically and emotionally prepared to usher this sweet creature through the darkness and into the light?

Can you remain calm while your pet convulses or loses control of its bowels?

Are your children prepared for a death at home? (Children are discussed further later in this column. Keep reading.)

2. You have the right to change your mind in any direction. You needn't apologize to anyone.

You may want to talk to friends, family, your minister or priest, or even another veterinarian, before you make any decisions.

Your veterinarian will respect your need to do this.

3. Pay attention to the signals your pet may be sending you. Animals prepare for death in different ways. Some of them isolate or refuse to eat, like people.

Respect the sacred bond between you and heed the message. Pray for courage if it's his time to go.

4. This one is from Mary and Herb Montgomery in their soft-covered booklet, Your Aging Pet (Montgomery Press, $5.95): Never make a decision out of guilt or wishful thinking.

Do not blame yourself if you can't afford the latest potentially-life saving operation. Heroic measures are not always a good thing.

Likewise, if you can afford the procedure, find out whether it will improve, not just prolong, your pet's life. Every situation is different.

5. Don't wait till your aging pet is sick to begin memorializing his life. Spend time together, snap pictures, teach him tricks, keep a journal, arrange for a professional portrait.

6. Do not blame yourself for your pet's death. Don't sully years of joy with useless doubts.

Your cat or dog would have been happy with crumbs. Instead, you gave him a home and a place in your heart.

``Trixie was a real sweet dog, an alpha,'' said Givens.

Part chow, part German shepherd, part mystery, Trixie liked to talk and talk and talk. Her favorite perch was an orange pillow. She cavorted with Givens' Rottweiler mix, Rocky, who is still at her side.

Trixie was cremated after her spirit went to the great bone yard in the sky last winter. Her ashes are never far from her loving human mom.

Some people believe that a life comes into existence with every death. That sure seems to apply in Givens' life.

Trixie died on Feb. 25, Givens' father's birthday. Her father died on Oct. 23, Trixie's birthday.

There are no coincidences.

Helping children

In A Final Act of Caring (Montgomery Press, $5.95), the authors talk about guiding children through the dying process of a beloved pet:

• Review the facts with your entire family. If treatment would be an emotional or financial burden, discuss this openly.

• Tell your children the pet's condition is nobody's fault. Children may think they are responsible because they failed to walk the dog.

• Be honest about your own feelings and what the loss of this pet will mean to you. In so doing, you are encouraging your children to be open and honest.

• Never try to protect your children by making up stories about a pet's disappearance. When the children find out you lied, they may forever doubt your integrity.

• Explain that euthanasia is a quick, gentle death. Do not call it putting him ``to sleep.'' Your children may fear that they will die when they go to sleep, too.

• Encourage your kids to emote about their feelings, draw pictures, sing songs, write letters, make a scrapbook of pet memories.

• Discuss what will be done with the animal's body. This helps children confront the reality of death and lets them take part in important family decisions.

• Give the kids an opportunity to say goodbye.

• Talk with them about how your pet blessed your lives. Reassure them that nothing can ever take away their happy memories

How to get copies

Montgomery Press has a series of five inexpensive, soft-bound booklets addressing the seasons of a pet's life.

The books are well respected and used by vets across the country. They were written with children in mind, although I wouldn't hesitate to give them to adults. They are beautifully illustrated and serve to remind us of things we already know.

In addition to Your Aging Pet, there is A Final Act of Caring, which explains euthanasia and burial as a final act of love; Good-bye My Friend, dealing with feelings of loss; and Forever in My Heart, a celebration of life written for adults; and I Remember, written for children.

They are available from Montgomery Press, P.O. Box 24124, Minneapolis, MN 55424, for $5.95 a copy, $9.20 for two or $12.65 for three. Postage and handling are included in these prices.