My Roxie PTS

[shybird]

Mary,
You are a brave wonderful person for not letting Roxie suffer the demons any longer. What you did was free her. To constantly live in fear is no way to live. While I know how much it hurts and will hurt for a long time, you must realize that you did the right thing. You took the hurt to yourself and freed her from her hurt. I know the feeling of "if I'd tried this longer, maybe". The truth is, it wouldn't have gotten better, it would have gotten worse for her. You didn't give up on her, you gave her peace.

[marya]

Dear Writers, especially Luvmyrottn boy and poohbearsmom. Your comments do help a lot. I can't talk with my husband about Roxie and this as he has moved on. I was the main trainer of Roxie, and sought all the help through obedience training, trainers and all the books I read (some were very good). She was such a reactive dog all along and so sensitive to any kind of stimulation that every day was a challange. I still can't believe that I could not fix the problem. I see from others comments that they too faced the same problems. I think fear aggression is a tough one to overcome. I could see in her body language that she was relaxed with what I was doing and then it would change and she would stiffen and "get that look". I would back off then and give her her space.

I don't think my husband read her right the day she bit him. He also was sitting on her dog bed, which our trainer said was her space and to leave her alone there. Its no excuse, for her biting, but it shows just how if we could not manage her no one else could have. I think that is were I gave up going on with other management ideas or new conditioning to try to extinguish the escalating reactive behavior. I feared that there was always going to be a time when I wasn't there (which was the case here) to watch her reactions and hopefully diffuse them.
We had also reached the point where walking her around other dogs had become such a chore as she would react with unpredictability towards some dogs. I did notice that she never bothered a really large dog so she was sizing up situations. She tried to jump on a real friendly golden retriever whose owner came too close as I was saying don't come, and that time I had all I could do to reverse direction and calm her down. Its alsmost as though in some way she enjoyed doing it. She had not yet bitten another dog but that was because we had kept enough distance, but pulling away a 73 pound reacting dog is very hard and scary to the other dog owner. We couldn't take the chance, and her reactive behavior was escalating. Thanks all of you for reading and replying to my sad messages. I am still so sick over this.
Less than two weeks have gone by. This is so hard to get over!! I loved this dog more than I realized, and I still feel like I failed her.

[marya]

Originally Posted by LUVMYROTTNBOY

Marya

I’m truly so sorry for your loss. You made the right decision.

I have put two dogs down due to aggression. Sara (petstore dog) was dangerous from the start due to poor breeding and 6mo in a cage in a pet store. She was small 13lbs as an adult. She was always aggressive with strangers. Most of her bites were superficial, and toward the legs/feet but she did sometimes manage to jump up toward the face and snap. She scared everyone that came in contact with her. I tried to train/socialize her but eventually had to keep her away from everyone. **I did try meds with her, and no success, could not overcome her bad breeding or 6mo stay at the petstore. The day she bit me on the hand, and drew blood as she was trying to get loose from my hold is the day she sealed her fate with me. (Sara was 10yrs old at this point.)

If I had the guts earlier in her life I would have released her much sooner as she was dangerous to others. I was selfish in my choice to keep her. She was a fear biter, she was scared of strangers and strange things (New TV, etc.) If she had bitten a child or anyone really and done damage I would have been mortified. Sara was small, and otherwise healthy dog with a good 6-8yrs left for her breeds avg life span.

I had to return a lovely rottie boy I had adopted from a shelter/rescue group he was PTS by the rescue due to his behavior issues. He showed behavioral problems the minute we brought him home, he had spent his time with the rescue in a vet clinic cage, and had never even wore a dog collar. He was abandoned at the vet clinic by previous owners. He was nice one minute and just fearful, scared and did pre-emptive attacks, biting me to the point I could not remove his mouth from my leg/arm ….my husband had to pry him off of me several times Not a puppy bite. He was evaluated by many people and sent to rottweiler rescue evaluator and failed all temperament tests. He was PTS and I have his remains. Handsome, large, healthy looking boy, PTS due to temperament. Heartbreaking.

The more I read, hear and see stories about dog bites the more I know I did right in making these choices of putting Sara to sleep and returning the puppy (per contract) to the rescue. Sorry to be so wordy but as you can see you are not alone. It will take time for you to heal from this. I know you did the right thing.

YOu have made me feel better but I still feel so very sad. We had her since she was 8 weeks old, and I was starting to read her body language much better. I was thinking about meds too, but since you mentioned that it didn't work, I don't know what would have been next. You feel like such a failure when everything you do is not working. the love you give is not being returned, just fear reaction, and to what? This has been 3-1/2 years of happiness and sadness. I would not trade the good memories, but the end has been hell. I could not rehome a dog like this. I knew her better than anyone, especially my husband who was getting more and more afraid of her. He loved her also but couldn't understand the constant backing off we needed to do -- no petting when the look came, etc.

Thanks for your input.

[Sam's Mom]

Now that your Roxie is freed from all her earthly issues, maybe she will send a furry bundle your way who touches your heart when the time is right. I am so sorry for your pain...even knowing you did the right thing is not alot of comfort right now. But time will do it's thing and the healing WILL begin.
RIP Roxie

[missingmarley]

Coming to this from a different angle, and forgive me if this seems too forward, but I think it's very important to forgive your husband .... I have a SO who, for all intents and purposes, said "it's the dog or me" - and while I believe the dog and I would have been perfectly fine in a cabin in the woods alone together, it wasn't going to happen. Same issue - unpredictable aggressiveness - and my SO said he wasn't going to live with a dog like that. I would have, as that dog was my soul mate.

Anyway. I gave up too, made the decision to move on and let the dog go and promised my SO that I would never ever hold it against him, though believe me, I'm sorely tempted to at times. Keeping the anger and the blame alive isn't going to help, and some people (not all!!!) are worth making sacrifices for.

It's been two and a half years, and I'm not over it. I'm tearing up as I write this - thank heaven I'm at work.

[marya]

Missingmarley,
Thank you for taking the time to write and give your thoughts. You have been helpful. I am trying hard not to blame my husband. He loved Roxie too, just not as much as I did. All he can remember is how she looked as she bit him. I have better memories, because I was not bitten. I wish she had bitten me, because then I might have rethought the future. We will never know. I am trying to forgive myself first for giving up. Its not easy. I still cannot remove the traces of her living her from the house. I'm just not ready yet.

I wish I used this website more often when Roxie was alive. The outcome might have been different. My trainer was inadequate for the problem, and the books I read are not the same as expertise on this subject. I have learned a lot, but sadly so.

[royalarrival]

marya, I know you are struggling with your heart and mind. Sometimes, no matter what you do the outcome would be the same. The maybe's and should of's will run through your mind. For 3 1/2 yrs you have given Roxy a warm home with food and love. You have tried all that you could. Coming to terms with that will take time. Please know you will find peace in your heart. Maybe not tomorrow, but it will come. It took me almost 2 yrs to find peace in my heart. This forum is the first time I spoke of the lab to anyone other than my husband. Oct. was the 3 year anniversary. Roxy will always be with you. The good memories of what she was potentially able to be, not the bad memories of the demons that haunt her. I am sure your husband questions "why". Why did it have to be this way. He might not have been as close to Roxy, like you. But, Roxy was a part of the family. I do believe God only gives us what we can handle. Roxy needed you and you needed Roxy. You understood her through her good times and bad times. You were there when she needed you most, and you came to her rescue. Relieving her of her demons. A gift, I am sure, Roxy is thankful for. She will always be loyal to you. Even when you meet her at the Rainbow Bridge.

Diane

[Troodie's Mom]

I am so sorry to hear that. Those decisions are not easy to make. When we took our 6 month old back to the breeder after she bit my hand hard, it still broke my heart. Even when a dog has problems, we still get attached to them, I know. And you did all that could be done for her, so kudos to you for that.

[marya]

Thanks again to all who have taken the time to write. I keep going over our life with Roxie, and how little by little things had changed. We did not have another dog to compare her with, and she was our first dog, so we just kept on trying our best. I had read Marley and Me, and I laughed because Roxie wasn't destructive like Marley. But, in her own way she had problems. She was reactive and strange, staying under the bed for very long periods of time. I realize now that she was under the bed way too long, avoiding any contact with us except for going out to play ball and frisbee and a walk. then back inside, visit for a bit and then back under the bed (I thought it was her den to her). She was antisocial and becoming more so. She was socialized as a puppy and seemed to like all dogs and people. Sometimes subtle changes are hard to pick up, especially when dynamics change. There are some very wise and caring members on this website, and I am thankful for this place to be able to express myself. I kept notes on Roxie's behavior, and I think I would like to put them together sometime, if I am able. Should I just try to move on? She was such a part of my daily life, it is empty without her, even with all the extra management of her. My husband would like to try again for a normal affectionate dog. I can't think about that now.

Some of you have had worse problems than we did, so thats been a help to see that -- I guess I've not been so crazy to have kept on trying. Others went much further than my husband and I. I still can't face our mail lady. She greeted Roxie and me a lot on our front lawn and remarked about what a good dog she was -- those earlier younger more manageable days. Nothing more to say except that I hope I can help someone else as you all have helped me. Thank you all.

Marya

[marya]

I am still so sick at heart. I was up writing a poem as I write poetry. My poem doesn't ease the loss but I had to get it out:

Roxie My Roxie "PTS"
I loved my Roxie gal but it was not to be
She nipped Bob twice after licks and nuzzles
Why she bit this time will always be a puzzle
Was she guarding her bed where he sat beside her
She could have just gotten up and walked away
There was pelenty of room there to get away
Something she did at times -- she would slink away
To the sanctuary she had under our bed --
And there she would stay -- sometimes for an hour, sometimes half the day
Yet she chose to snarl, bark and bite -- Not just her usual flight
The reaction she had, it would end her short life
One filled with her fears or whatever threat she felt on that night
Dog bites are scary and so very quick
Especially scary after nuzzles and licks
With holes in our hearts we made that fateful vet trip
A one way decision for one less life
Her new "forever" home, just not on this earth
No matter how much I cry, or tears I may shed
My Roxie's no longer, my Roxie is dead.

[BuckshotSableMolly]

I am sorry for your loss, but thankful for your strength. You gave her all that you could. God Bless Her.

[sweetlee]

I am so sorry to hear that it came to this. Just know that you did everything you possibly could do for her.
I agree that just as some people have mental illnesses, so do some animals.
I know that right now you say you will never get another dog. I have said the same thing a few times in my life, but in time, the wounds heal and your heart will be open to another pet.
It's a chance we all take whenever we decide to bring a dog into our lives. You aren't the only one who it did not work out for. It was a huge act of courage to let Roxie go where she can be free from fear and unable to control herself.
I thank goodness have never been in your position, my dogs all passed after years of being content family pets.
My thoughts are with you, and I can tell you that I believe Roxie is in peace, happily playing someplace where nothing scares or bothers here. She is in good company.

Always,

Sharon

[AngelBunny]

As painful and heartrending as it was to put Roxie down you did the right thing. From my perspective of rescue involvement for going on 10 years, there are some dogs who simply aren't wired correctly. No amount of love, attention, care, and training is going to fix them, make them into what people consider a normal dog. Drugs won't do this either--drugs will only mask what the dog truly is--not wired correctly.

I've been with my vet as she euthanized some physically healthy dogs but temperamentally unstable, unsafe dogs, so I understand the anguish you feel.

A wonderfully wise RDNer once wrote that living with a dog should be joy and bring happiness. You shouldn't have to live in fear of your dog. You shouldn't have to constantly worry that something will set the dog off, bringing "that look" and its consequences. You shouldn't have to second guess everything your dog comes in contact with, concerned that something may set your dog off. Dogs should be companions, not loaded weapons that may go off at any moment.

You did a brave thing in freeing your girl from her demons. What you did demonstrated love and compassion.

People love and grieve differently. I am sure your husband is grieving in his own way.

[Sheenagirl]

I am so very, very sorry for your loss of Roxie.
You knew that Roxie was not normal. Something was very wrong within her. A normal dog just doesn't act that way.
It sounds like you did your best - it was out of your hands.
Your husband can't understand how his Roxie that he loved so much could have bitten him like she did. His feelings are hurt and he is grieving within himself.
Sometimes it takes a very long time to heal.
I hope one day you find it in yourselves to try again and give your love to another furry family member.
I absolutely feel that we will be with our beloved pets again one day. Until then you have your wonderful memories to keep.
RIP Roxie, you are in very good company, fly high with the angels...

[Sam's Mom]

I want to comment on the beautiful poem you wrote for your Roxie...It was awesome! She is smiling free from her demons loving you and thinking "Thanks Mom for loving me THAT much"