I am devastated !!!

[Debbie Ervin]

I know just how you feel again.. I too am having a very hard time getting over Ceasars death. I have written so much on this network I guess as a campain or something to try to help others and to make myself feel better. I have also posted on the Rottweiler Health Foundation Ceasars story and 3 years ago Thors story. It is a network that by posting their story you can help others who are facing the same things. Ours dogs illnesses and how medically they were treated and how couragous they were till the end. I also put both my boys in a Memorial Registry in the site and donated to them. This way others can see their stories and pictures and know what really GREAT dogs they were. I am trying I guess to do things to keep them alive to others. I have gathered so many pictures from my boxes and I have several family photo albums that I can look at for hours on end. I have a special photo album that I want to make up and still can't bring myself to do it. I can just sit and look at that beautiful face so full of life and cry my eyes out...... The picture was beautiful of Max with your child. I can only say I KNOW and we feel the same way here. My mom had Ceasar so spoiled, that each time he went out he got 2 treats when he came in. He knew how to count!!!! He would not leave without the second treat. Just the little things and so many of them we remember. Me and Ceasar would sit on the deck and he would lay down and I'd brush him and play with his ear it was so peaceful. I found this poem on this site someone put on and I actually typed it out and gave it to several people including the girls and our vet at the hospital. Its called:
May I go?
May I go now?
Do you think the time is right?
May I say good bye to pain filled days
and endless lonley nites?
I lived my life and done my best,
an example tried to be.
So can't I take that step beyond
and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at f i rst,
I fought with all my might
but something seems to draw me now
to a warm and living light.
I want to go, I really do,
Its difficult to stay
but I will try as best I can
to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me
and share your love and fears
I know your sad and afraid,
because I see your tears.
I'll not be far I promise that,
and hope you'll always know
that my spirit will be close to you
whereever you may go
Thank you so for loving me
you know I love you too,
thats why its hard to say goodbye
and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time
and let me hear you say,
because you care so much for me
you'll let me go today. Author: Susan A Jackson

I have Ceasars picture right at my bedside and a picture of me,Thor and Ceasar next to that one. I have my rosary beads around them. Its very hard I know to say goodbye to any family member and especially when we have to make the decission. But I have learned I think that by doing this we are not letting them suffer in pain and agony. Believe me, I am sure you as I did EVERYTHING humanly possible, but when my vet told me Ceasar was tired, it was a nice way of telling me, we have to stop because he is going to suffer now. I had to let him go as you did Max. My heart is where yours is, Sincerely, Debbie and family

[marya]

I too lost my dog, not to cancer but to a disease of the mind. Its so hard to do the right thing, but you did it by taking away the pain. Yes, there is loss which at first is unbearable (its been 10 days for me), but it does get a bit better. There are those great memories and pictures. I'm going to frame a really great picture of my Roxie so I can remember her, and I hope you do the same for your sweet dog.

[Clafca]

Originally Posted by moondog

Your pain is a reflection of how very, very much you loved and treasured your precious Max. I can tell you loved that beautiful boy with all your heart.

It took me 3 months after losing my Luna before I could look anyone in the eye who knew she was gone without tearing up all over again. I spent those 3 months working on her photo collection, and that was the only time I was okay..

I never imaginate how the loss of this old friend can be so hard.......!

He's gone over a month ago now and i'm not able to look at his pictures without having eyes in tears... I'm still find me guilty about his death...!

Max was very special to us. Two weeks ago i had the impression that i was begin to feel better, but it's not, i still feel sad very sad, very very sad.

Me and my wife have great difficulties to talk about him, i was hoping that after a couple of weeks our life will come back as it was erlier, but it's not true and i have to admit that i am still very very devastated and guilty about his death.

I miss my old friend so much, its hard to understand but its almots if i had loss a member of my family...!

Max depart leave us with a great empty place in our hearts and in our whole life.... he's in my dreams and in my mind every days.

I realise that it is as difficult today as one month ago, it's not easier to accept, i cant pass for now over his loss.

I want to thank you for your words, i thank also all the others who replied me since my last post.

All those words were comforting me and helps me to accept.

At the beginning i was thinking that i was borring you all with my sadeness, but here i found peoples who are understanding what i feel and peoples who are not thinking that i'm idiot to be so sad about a dog loss. Writing in this forum help me accept his death.

I believe that i should go better soon, but I am well afraid about next Christmas Day that this year will be very sad on our family.