Am I losing it?

[observer]

We all share your pain in the loss of our precious ones, and I, like the others, envy you those vivid dreams. They are a powerful illustration of how they are always with us, watching, and waiting.

[Lola B Marie]

During my 30 yrs of marriage,the only time I ever say my husband really cry, (sobbing can't catch your breath cry), was when our Boxer of 12yrs died of heart failure in his arms. I felt horrible but was not attached to this dog even though I did love him. I cried more because he was crying. At the time, hubby was 300lbs exfootball player for UCONN. He never showed real emotion until that day. He couldn't talk about the dog ever with out welling up. Another boxer came and went in our lives, but it was the first one that had truly captured his heart. I never really lost it over a dog until my heart dog, Rottweiler Sheena Marie, passed away in 04. It was at that moment that I truly understood what grief is. The relentless emotional suffering. I have had Lola for over 2yrs now. I love her very much but it is Sheena that I see in my dreams. The dog I call upon when I am in emotional need. There are times that I am playing with Lola in our den when she will suddenly stop ,look up and start wagging her bun and hips like mad. She will face the direction of the door and start play bowing, going back and forth. Next she will do these little barks which she does at no other time. I know that Sheena is visiting and I am so happy to feel her around me.
You are not crazy by any stretch of the imagination. I am a therapist and only wish, more men were able to express their emotions and believe their dreams. I hope you continue to share your soul with your beloved Rottie. Death does not end a relationship!
Jane

[gail1951]

I know the the feeling. After loosing Bear, I had a dream of three of my
rotties walking around the front dogwood tree. Ilost my Rufus seven years
yesterday, and it seems like only a few months ago. The night that he
passed, that next night I dreamt of him sitting in an arched door way
with bright shinning lights all the way around the arch, with the lights
reflexing soley on him. He was so handsome sitting there smiling, whole
and healthy looking. I took that as his way of letting me know he was OK.
So, we know they do visit us. Hugs to you. We all have those heart dogs
and Rufus was mine, I tell my hubby Rufus knew me better in his 11 years than
the 35 years of knowing him. LOL...and I guess Sadie (his heart rottie) knew
him better than me.

[Dimitri]

no you are not dreaming. I found myself daydreaming last Friday night while watering my friend's garden when she was out of town. as I sat on the milk carton, I found myself seeing my dog running towards me with a big smile on his face, and laying down next to me at the end of the evening to sleep, and one of my most fondest memories of him was when he was younger, he would often push his head into my chest after I come home from a hard day at work.

[webangel2b]

I would not be concerned by the dreams, I would welcome them.

BTW - be sure to be ready with an open heart and arms. Call me "crazy" but I have a feeling your Thor will move on someday, just in time for a new fur buddy to walk into your life.

[richnthor]

webangeel2b thank you for the reply. Ironically I do volunteer work for the SPCA. I see and handle plenty of dogs and have one adopted one at home. I have see plenty of cute dogs, some of them Rotties, but while I take good care of them and do some clicker training to establish basic obedience so the dogs are more adoptable, I have not seen another Rottie that looked so good as my Thor. It will be a while before I can open my heart, but I do open my arms and shower kindness on all of them. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my Thor is in the member's gallery.

[sweetlee]

One day, there will be another dog that you can really love. After my old english sheepdog passed at 14 years, I swore there would never be another. It took about 8 years, but now Dodge has entered my home and my heart. I was like you, I love dogs and have a kind heart towards them, but until now, not one was able to make that connection. I almost felt like I would be "cheating" if adopted another.
As far as your dreams, cherish them, look forward to them, they don't come often enough.
I lost a baby granddaughter about a year and a half ago, during her birth, and I have been lucky enough to dream of her ONE time. I pray each night that she will come and I can hold her in my sleep, and maybe one day again she will. And I hope she brings my big Shaggy dog with her. I know they are frolicking together along with other friends, family and special pets in a wonderful place. I only wish I could see how much fun they have. Ironically, one night not too long ago I dreamt of my cat Tony, who I had 38 years ago. It was great we were back at the house in South Carolina and she met me there just as she did every day after school, I petted her and she purred and rubbed against me. Simple dream really, but comforting.
So you are not losing it, you are finding it, it being something that you need right now. I hope your wonderful dreams continue.

Sharon

[richnthor]

First, I am so sorry about your granddaughter. It seems we hang around while we see young ones with so much to live for take away early.
In my case, I make real friends slowly, then I am very loyal. I had taken Thor so completely that I never want to forget him. I am keeping the option open for another Rottie
but none seem to be has handsome with the self-confident bearing he had. I have been searching the net first and we have some top notch breeders in this area.
I took him in my truck any time it was cool enough and was practical. I would put my hand on him when we were slowind down for a light, and was more firm when he need a sudden slowing down. He got to understand that I would not let him go flying into the dashboard.
Deep down I know I am not losing it as much as I am still mourning my loss. I have never been much for believing in ghosts. But now I am convincing myself that we both want to be with each other so much so we are managing to visit each other until we meet again. It would be hard to imagine a heaven without our closest pals. And we wouldn't have to scoop the poop.

[shybird]

Originally Posted by richnthor

In my case, I make real friends slowly, then I am very loyal. I had taken Thor so completely that I never want to forget him. I am keeping the option open for another Rottie
but none seem to be has handsome with the self-confident bearing he had.

From experience, let me tell you that you can get 500 more rotties, but none will replace Thor. With that said, Thor will be honored should you open your heart to another dog. That will be his highest honor. There is always room in the heart for love. No it won't be the same, but it can be equally special. Each dog is so special in their own way, that they can't be replaced. It is called "In Addition To" Thor, I loved ........ and my life and Thor' s legacy is complete as I because of Thor, I loved another. When you are ready, I sure hope you give Thor the highest of honors and make room in your heart for another. Hopefully a rescue that desperately needs you.

[laurlitt]

Your dreams are normal... and should be welcomed... I too had many dreams about my Blaise after he left. The first one soon after he died (and I'm forgetting some of the details), he became missing from the van I had left him in... In my dream I was screaming and screaming for him in an attempt to get him back.... It certainly reflected my helplessness I experienced in my real life revolving around his death. I woke up screaming for him...

Luckily I have had other comforting dreams where Blaise just appears and it's really nice to see him...

Hang on to those dreams...

[mel07]

don't you love it when they press their back against you - then all is right with the world.

he knows.

[chivas]

I have dreams of Chivas often. In some of the dreams she still has the cancer and I am despertly looking for a cure. The dreams are upsetting and tramatic, I often wake up in tears. I wonder if its because deep down I feel I failed her in treating her cancer. Other times I dream of her before the cancer, well, strong and playing ball with me, they are most often a few days after the upsetting dreams. I believe those dreams are HER coming back to tell me that I did GOOD, that its OK and that she loves me and is waiting for me. I also at times hear her sigh, once I saw a black shadow in the other room when I walked by when I turned to look again, it was gone.

[richnthor]

Believe me, after the dreams I had described earlier about my Thor, I have come to believe that our pet has sensed that ache in your heart, and has done whatever it takes to will herself to comfort you with her never failing unconditional love. It doesn't matter if people tell you or me that it is wishful thinking, self-deception, or whatever, treasure any thoughts you receive of her bouncing full of life and joy. The strong bond you have is still there and giving to you. Animals instinctively don't complain until their body fails and betrays their suffering. The very fact that you shed tears shows your heart is in the right place and that you have done everything you know and can afford to do. Be honest with yourself knowing you could do nothing more, perhaps could not afford to do any more. The dog always will always love and forgive you; do the same back. Express your love privately, even write down your every thought in a "love letter" . Do that until the pain goes away and never do it to help you forget. How could you forget the love and bond with your pet? Impossible.

[NEED OF ADVICE]

i dont think your losing it at all

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness;
here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you,
when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

It's good to have you back again;
you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night,
the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth,
and all those loving years
because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers
unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain,
though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you
and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night...
"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street,
and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go...
from that body to be free,
remember you're not going...
you're coming here to me.

[richnthor]

I too was involved with football and that mantra "suck it up" was yelled in our ears, while I knew when something hurt. I believe that without being honest with ourselves we will have trouble, the breaking down in tears out of control in front of a neighbor or stranger especially in front of a female made me feel weak, was a total embarassment to show how I hurt when my Thor was gone. Ironically later while coaching kids football I remember carrying one sobbing young boy off the field after a hard hit. As I carried him with surrounding men yelling, "you're OK, shake it off" I was whispering in his ear "that hit hurt and you know it. I'm sure I would have felt like crying too until the hurt goes away. Don't listen to people who don't feel what you feel. Let me know when your are ready to go back in." He later went on to be an outstanding High School player.

Dogs have always been part of my life except while in college. Thor captured my heart like none other. He was of course very strong, had a confident demeanor, always by my knee as if guarding me (maybe he felt safe and liked me), wanted to be the alpha dog, yet what I admired was how gentle he was with me, and while unconsciously playing roughly with my other dog, he never made him yelp. It was that controlled strength, confidence, muscular build that made it a pleasure just to watch him. In a way I thought of him as a small horse. A horse is big and strong, and to be enjoyed must learn that the owner is the leader. A reminder may be necessary from time to time. Because he adapted to his role so well, I was so proud of him, had to fight off spoiling him by letting him get away with some behaviors, he had captured my heart. Memory is such a gift, a physical presense may be gone but the memory is as fresh as always. Normally when I lost a dog I hurried to get another to cut the hurt; this time I have looked at others but haven't seen one quite the same--perhaps I don't want them to be the same.