Carl 4/15/92 - 8/24/00

[Ouroboros]

It's been a long time since I've done any posts on this forum or even checked in. Things were going well for Carl. The lymphatic cancer was in remission and the fur on his stomach was growing back in. All seemed good. A small blip came up a few weeks ago when the vet wanted to remove a growth from his left shoulder as a precautionary measure. (This was not not related to the original problem.) Then things rapidly changed... Carl just wasn't his normal self. He wasn't eating, his digestion was off and he seemed uncomfortable. Another ultrasound at the vet revealed that two new tumors had formed around the area of his stomach. More surgery was not an option (how much could the little guy be expected to take?). The best option was to try to kick in a second remission via chemo... Well... He never made it that far... Carl got a certain look about him. I'd seen it before when Magnum was in his final days. The quality of the fur changes somehow - there's a thinness to the face and other parts of the body - no appetite. We even got him beef and chicken parts to make special dinners to stimulate his appetite. He's the only Rottweiler I know who got Basmati rice with dinner.
Things were OK this morning when I left for work. About 11, my wife called and said she was at the vets with him. Carl had been out in the yard and was hunching as if trying to move his bowels. He was in discomfort and making a weird vocal noise. She had a hard time getting him into the minivan for the trip. Some techs had to help him into the office. The vet said that she could make him somewhat comfortable for a few days at most but the cancer came back so rapidly and in such an aggressive manner that it had probably invaded his intestines and stuff was seeping out inside of him causing an infection and fever.
When I got there, the stump was wagging and there was still light in his eyes. I had always heard that when it was time to send them to The Bridge, you'd know. I wasn't sure yet... He was staring at me as we sat down and petted him, telling him how much we loved him... He was shedding a lot and felt warm. The vet said he was pale. My wife said that before I got there, he was just lying there moping...
We all taked for awhile - none of us with dry eyes. I know the vet did her best. She really cared... she probably got too much emotionally involved. She was even going to take care of him at her house while we're on vacation next week.
I asked about what she would use to do it; what effects it has; what he would feel. Finally, I knew it was time and said to go ahead.
She prepared to give the injection and I held his head in my hands. We kept eye contact and as he crossed over, I know that his last view was of me and the last thing he heard was "I love you." He just leaned over and went to sleep...

I don't regret having gone through the chemo with him, given the totality of his unique circumstances. It didn't negatively impact on how he felt all that much. It cost a lot and only bought a few additional months, but... Oh, well... We had to fight as best we could.

I know he's playing with Magnum right now. Someday, perhaps, we'll play stick in the snowpiles again like he loved so much.