You left a year ago today...

[my2rotties]

This is a special letter to Sheena. I felt that I had to express how much I love her, so she does not ever forget that she left me behind, and broke my heart. You all do not have to read this, this is just something I had to do for my Grump and I... It probably does not make sense to anyone but her any ways.
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At this exact time last year, I had to watch helplessly, as your wonderful life slipped away slowly. I remember holding your big beautiful soft head on my shoulder, as I kneeled beside the table that you laid on. I sang our special little songs in your ear and buried my face in your fur, and let it soak up my tears. Deep down inside, I knew you were going to leave that day, but I refused to admit it, and tried to send the courage and desire your way, so you would fight to stay with us. I was horrified when they made us leave you there, to fight for your life alone. I really hope that you did not die, because you did not feel our presence anymore. I always wanted you to die at home, on your deck, and in my arms, under the summer sun, while the birds were chirping. You lived such a great life, and you deserved to die happy and contented. I could not believe you were gone until they wheeled you in under a blanket, so Frank and I could say good bye. Your beautiful brown eyes were closed so tight, I wished that you were just sleeping there.

I want to tell you that you were the most influential individual that I had the fortune of knowing and loving. Some might say that you were just a dog, but you were so much more then that to Frank and I. I know that you were our guardian angel, and you helped Frank and I stay together when we could not get along. Because of you, Frank and I learned that we did not have to argue or yell at each other. I remember when we were upset at each other, you would go up to bed. We never wanted you to be upstairs alone, and would stop fighting right away. You also were so charming in your ways, that we still would all go out for our walks together, even though Frank and I were angry. We never wanted you to feel discomfort or suffer in any way, just because we were to stupid to get along at times.

Frank and I loved you (and still love you) more then anybody or anything in our lives. You had qualities that I as a human had to work very hard at having. Some people may have thought that you were just a dog, but you were the one thing that held Frank and I together and made us into the people we are today. We would never do anything bad or mean to anybody, in hope that we will see your beautiful smile and dancing eyes once again.

I look at your pictures, and long to touch your velvet ears and wrap my arms around your thick neck. You were always my little piece of heaven, and I will never forget the endless hours that we explored this world together. This past year has been the most trying and difficult year for both Frank and I. I really don't know how I survived it, and still mourn you now the same way that I did on this day, a year ago. I know you hated it when I cried more then anything, but I can't help it. I miss you so much and wish so much that things could be like they used to be.

Damian has never been the same since you left us, and I have a feeling that he will be joining you very soon. He has been slowly fading away since the day that you died, and although it is heart breaking to watch him dwindle, I will understand that you have called him to be with you. I wish that you would visit Frank and I one day when we are both together, since it is so hard to know that you are still here with us in some way.

You are still my Grumpy girl and sweet pea. There will never be another being that has the tremendous hold my heart and soul that you have. The day you died, a huge part of me went with you. You gave me so much and made me feel safe in a way that no other can ever do. I really hope that you are doing alright, and that there is a special place that you have gone to. You certainly deserve it more then any other individual I will ever know. I will try my hardest to be as good as you were, so I can be with you some day.

Today, I am going to drive to the place of your birth, the place that Frank and I first laid eyes on you. We always knew that you were special, from the moment you greeted us at the gate in your special way. I hope the woman that put you on this earth to be with us will be home, so perhaps I can tell her how wonderful you were. I have always hoped that she has puppy pictures of you and your mother. She was so beautiful, just like you are. She must have been a very special dog to have had a puppy like you. I hope the two of you are together.

I also hope that you might look down at me today when I go to where you were born. I want to feel close to you, and really wish that you could visit me for a moment. It would be so nice to briefly feel that happiness that I used to feel when you and I were together.

I love you Grumpy, and please come to me in my dreams tonight, and visit me later today. I miss you so much, just like I always knew I would. You were the best of the best, and no words can begin to describe just how great and wonderful you were. My heart still hurts for you.