I lost my girl Brooke

[HOLYTERROR]

I lost Brooke October 28,2005... this is a late post, but I just didn't have the heart to come here and type it all out. Seems like I've lost almost a dog a year for the last 2 and a half years... Brooke was the 3rd to go.

I got Brooke October 31, 2004 and it was a situation that I begrudingly took on. I'd lost my Casey in the Spring of 04 at the age of 12 and I had a beautiful little 6 month old puppy to lavish attention to. I was tired of geriatric care... I was tired of old dogs... I was just tired of everything it took to keep Casey with me. ( this does all lead up to Brooke... so bare with me)

I hung onto Casey SO much longer than I should have. I didn't see that she was failing and my vet wouldn't talk to me about it might being "time". She was so thin, emaciated, so old, so much in pain and so, so tired. I think back on her now and I just didn't see what I should have. Her head was thin and had lost all the muscles... you could see where her skull plates came together. I remember laying in bed with her one afternoon... I rolled over to look at her and give luvs.... I looked at her face and she had that look that you KNOW what it means. She looked at me and if she could have spoken words she would have told me she was so tired and ready for me to let go. I remember seeing that look and I remember telling her it wasn't time and I wasn't ready. So anyways... you get the idea.

All during the summer after I lost Casey, I had a client that kept trying to get me to take this "other" dog. I kept saying no, I didn't want to deal with an old dog again. I was just beginning to enjoy Brenin and I didn't want to take care of an old dog again. I kept putting her off and she kept asking me to take the dog. As time went on and I kept saying no, she kept telling me more about the dog, her background and what her life was like currently.

This dog was locked in a wire crate for days and days on end and only let to do business if someone thought of it. So my first thought is after my experience with the rescue named Tyson... there was no way I was ever going to take some dog that obviously was in an abusive situation. Not knowing anything about this dog, her personality, the abuse she was suffering and had suffered.... after being attacked by Tyson, I would never take her. So I tried to find a home for her. No one wanted a rottie with issues... including myself.

One night I had a different client call me at home trying to reach me and I wouldn't answer the phone... she was calling me about this same dog that the other client had been trying to get me to take. The dog was being left for weeks on end with no water or food. She and her sister had sneaked onto the guy's property. The sister knew noone had been around for 2 weeks and she was wondering what had happened to the dog. The dog was locked in a crate crying. That's when I made up my mind that I would do something.

I called my local police department and they said to call my local humane society... I called the humane society and they told me to call my local police department. I obviously wasn't going to get anywhere with either of them.

I talked to my husband and we agreed between us that we would take the dog probably with the intent of putting her down to end her suffering. I lied to the client.... told her that I hadn't been able to find a second puppy and that I was very interested in this dog. The guy that owned this dog was local and he was a nut case... I was afraid of him. I told her I would take the dog, but it had to that day... I wanted her out of his care immediately... I didn't want to give him a chance to change his mind.

I got Brooke that night on October 31, 2004 ... and I never looked back. I had lined up a home for her and it fell through... the lady didn't want Brooke which turned out to be the best thing that ever happened. I KNEW within 2 days I was going to keep Brooke. I would look in Brooke's eyes and I could have sworn I saw my Casey in them. Brooke fit in our home like she was always meant to be here... it was like this was were she was supposed to be.

I took Brooke to my vet... she was 31 pounds underweight, she had lick sore all over her feet and legs and she had ear infections in both ears so badly that they were a constant battle for the almost year that I had her... she eventually lost her hearing in both ears even though I tried my hardest to fix them. Brooke had gum disease so badly most of her teeth had loosened.

What I found out about Brooke was this.... she had spent the last almost 5 years of her life locked in a crate and let out once in awhile, she hadn't seen a vet in almost that amount of time... so it's hard to say how long the ear infections had gone on, though her previous owner said she'd always had them. She'd had no human touch for almost 5 years, no consistant food or water, no vet care and no love. She had been shuffled from home to home and then lost in a divorce... I was her 5 owner.

To make a very long story short... I was forgiving of her shortcomings and she was unconditional in her love. She worshipped the ground I walked on and I adored her. Brooke went blind, lost her hearing, and then her hips gave out. I knew there was no way possible I could invest the kind of money in her it would take to "fix" everything and I knew I couldn't keep her pain free much longer and I swore I wouldn't make the same mistake with her that I made with Casey. I wanted to put Brooke down at a time of my choosing and not because I HAD to put her down. I picked a day in October which is my favorite month... I spent her last few days with her... I would put a chair out in her kennel and sit with her during the day. I took her for rides... I let everyone know that was close to Brooke to come say their goodbyes and to give luvs and I can honestly say... Brooke was happy, as healthy as she was going to be and that I made a good decision. I only wish I'd had much more time with her.

The only thing I can say to myself when I think back on all of this is that though my decision wasn't any easier... I trusted myself more this time that I was doing the right thing.

Kimberly

[Karyn]

Now that you have made me cry - I thank you for your kindness to Brooke! Fly with the angels Brooke - be happy at the bridge.

[SonnyRott]

Yes, you did the right thing! Bless your BIG heart!

[JudyP]

In these cases, the "right" thing.. is the "hardest" thing.. bless you for loving Brooke and giving her a forever family to watch over from the beautiful Bridge..

Fly High Sweet Girl...

[JuneyB]

Bless you for taking her in..and making her last time here filled with love....
what you had to do is the hardest thing any animal owner faces, but feel better cuz she is playing with all the other so-loved animals at the bridge.

[StephanieandToby]

After reading that, I can see why it took so long for you to post her story...it is truly heatwrenching. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Jaggerfur1]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through and am sitting here crying because I can understand the pain and loss and how hard it is to talk about it.

Just know you get a big hug from us!

[AngelBunny]

I'm ininvolved in rescue. You did a wonderful thing. I am so sorry for your loss.

[spoiledbabies3]

Tears streaming down my face, my heart breaks for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for your generous heart and caring for her. You are a precious gem in this world of ours. Brooke was very fortunate to have found you to care for her in her hour of need. One of the most difficult decisions we make is to let our loved ones cross the bridge. Brooke is running carefree again! She will be your forever guardian angel. Watch over your mommy because she misses you. Fly on your wings of gold sweet Brooke! Brooke will meet lots of loved ones that join her at the bridge. When you find Sasha give her our love!

[Ninasmom]

You gave her so many incredible gifts. I am happy that she found you in time. Thank you for everything you did for her.

[RUNpuppeezRUN]

I think what made me feel better about my decision was that I was able to do something with Brooke that I'd never been able to do with Tyson and Casey... I said goodbye when I was ready.

I did EVERYTHING the way I wanted it done. Brooke had a horrible fear of the vet's office and with time, patience and bluntness on my part, I was gradually able to to lessen that fear over time until it barely existed. Brooke had COMPLETE faith in me and I can honestly say I NEVER let her down and from the moment she became "mine, I never let anyone hurt her or scare her again.

We brought her home that night from the vet's and although I know everyone had good intentions... everyone kept trying to usher me away from her, I'd made up my mind that I was going to hang onto MY dog until I was ready to let go.

I cried and I buried my face in her fur and smelt her scent, I rubbed her already cold ears, I stroked her soft, fluffy fur and I talked to her... I laid my head on her side which was still slightly warm and I told her how much I was going to miss her as my shadow and how I wished fate had brought us together sooner.

And when I was ready, I let go. I told my husband to dig her grave.... Brooke and I were at peace.

Kimberly aka holyterror

[llwaxan]

Thank goodness she left this world finally knowing how it feels to be loved...

[pammie roo]

OH Kimberly,, I am sooo sorry, I know the pain you have gone thru and will continue to go thru. Knowing when to end the pain is the most loving thing we can do for our pets (kids). Letting them go surrounded by love is the most important thing in life we can do. If only humans had the same choices, there would be much less suffering in the world. God bless you for giving your girl a wonderful home filled with love and compassion.

[rottie girl]

Kimberly, what a huge heart you have to get involved and give Brooke what she never knew existed for so many years. She went to the bridge knowing you loved and cared for her greatly. Thank you for sharing your story.

[debbiej]

Brooke's story is so bittersweet. and such a reminder of just how good hearted a good dog is. I'm so very glad she found the sweet part of her bitter life, before it was over.