IM HERE TO BORE YOU AGAIN WITH MY SADNESS

[My Lil Jake]

WELL THIS IS THE FIRST FULL DAY WITHOUT MY JAKE.. IT IS THE WORST AND I MEAN THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER BEEN THROUGH IN MY WHOLE LIFE. SAD THING IS IS THAT WE ONLY HAD HIM FOR 6 MONTHES. I DONT KNOW HOW ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE WITH ROTTY'S THAT ARE 9 AND 10 YEARS OLD. IM NOT SURE IF IM SOOOOOOOOOOOO DEVISTATED BECAUSE OF MY PREGNANCY TOO? I FEEL AS IF IM OVERACTING. I CANT EAT, I CRIED ALL DAY IN BED, THIS IS AWFUL. MY HUBBY I THINK IS GETTING A BIT CONCERNED. NOT TO MENTION THIS 22O # MARINE HUBBY OF MINE CRIED FOR HOURS WHEN I TOLD HIM. THIS HAD TO BE THE FIRST TIME IN 5 YEARS I HAD SEEN THAT. THEN TO BOOT, I WENT TO PETCO TODAY CAUSE WE WERE PLANING N GETTING A NEW PUP AND WHO DID I SEE.... A 11 WEEK OLD BOY ROTTY... OK KIDS, WHAT WAS HIS NAME?????? JAKE. I WAS FLOORED. I KEEP THINKING THAT GOD IS TRYING TO TELL ME THAT WHAT I DID WAS WRONG. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND I LIVE IN THE BOSTON AREA AND IT WAS POURING THE FORST THING I THOUGHT OF WAS HOW JAKE HATED THE RAIN AND WOULD MOPE AROUND LIKE A MISERABLE KID. I WISH HE WAS BACK WITH ME TO PLAY ON THE COUCH WHEN HUBBY WAS WORKING AND I HAD NO ONE TO CHAT TOO. I WISH I COULD FILL HIS BOWL UP WITH FRESH COLD WATER WITH ICE ( CAUSE THAT WAS THE WAY HE LIKE IT ) I PUT SCRAMBLED EGGS IN HIS BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING AND THIS MORNING I WOKE UP TO THE SMELL OF EGGS ( HUBBY WAS COOKING BREAKFAST BEFORE WORK )IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY IM SOBBING TO ALL OF YOU AGAIN, I JUST FEEL LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. DOES ANYONE KNOW IF ITS PAINFUL TO BE PUT TO SLEEP? DO THEY SEEM AS IF THEY ARE IN DISTRESS? IS IT BAD THAT I DIDNT GO IN WITH HIM? I KEEP HAVING THESE THOUGHTS OF HIM ON THIS TABLE SAYING WHERES MY MOTHER? AND HIM THINKING I LEFT HIM.
ALL RIGHT IM GONNA GO TAKE A BATH AND CRY SOME MORE.... BOO HOO ! THIS STINKS. MAYBE TOMORROW WILL BE BRIGHTER!
BRIANNE

[Homerhomer]

And we are here to listen.......

[moondog]

You are not boring anybody with your sadness....the only reason I haven't responded sooner is that this is hitting a little too close to home for me.

My girl is 6-1/2 now and has an intestinal disease that is not curable. So far it has been manageable, thank goodness, and she's holding her own, has quality to her life and is still happy to be here. But don't think it hasn't crossed my mind that one day, and possibly quite suddenly, that may change and I will be faced with what you have had to endure. I just can't adjust to it. I don't know how I'll handle it at that time, but I do know this - it's going to leave a hole in my heart the size of the universe and the sorrow that will flow is echoed in your words..........

The kindest thing you could do is to let him go. And the hardest. So go ahead and cry your heart out as long as you need to.......then come back, cause you're soon going to have another little bundle of joy in your life who is going to need you.

My very best wishes to you and your family.

Love,

moondog

[Ev]

Brianne, Listen to Krissie and Moondog, it was not painful for Jake. No you are not wrong not to be with him at the end, you have to think what is best for you and your baby. Maybe God was trying to tell you it's o.k. to get another baby. The fact it was a boy named Jake could have been a sign to get him. But get a new puppy when you feel the time is right for you. Personally when I lose an animal I have to get another immediately. For me it helps the healing process, even when you get another you don't forget your departed love but you can still love a new baby while grieving your baby. We had to let our First Rotti, Big Leah go Mar. 27, 2000 to bone cancer at 6 yrs old. Shortly after losing Leah my mom was shopping and went through a door she never went through before. There she saw a sign Rottie pups for sale, she immediately went and got our 2 new babies. But I still cry for Big Leah. Sunday would've been 8th B-day. We now have "twin" 18mos. (Sunday) brother/sister Little Leah and Baron. We love them so but we will ALWAYS love and remember Big Leah. You can always lean on us. Private Message me anytime you need to talk. I will answer as quickly as I can I promise. The way you are grieveing is perfectly natural. I hope I made some sense.

Madonna

[ July 17, 2001: Message edited by: Ev ]

[michale baker]

Talking about your feelings is a form of therapy, it's better than holding your emotions inside.

As far as seeing another male rotti named Jake, don't think that is God's way of telling you that you did something wrong. It could be JAKE'S way of telling you that everything is ok and that you did what needed to be done and that he understands.

He definately wasn't in pain when he was put down and I'm sure he knows you didn't leave him on purpose. Keep thinking aboutthe good time you shared and the good life you provided for him.

Time will make things better; but until then, we are here for you..one big family of rotti lovers.

[RogandBo]

My prayers are with you Brianne. Do try to think of the good times you had with Jake and know that he is in a better place feeling no pain. :(

[Hickboy]

I'm so very sorry about your loss. Please don't think that you did anything wrong, you did the best thing that you could for him. He's in a good place now.

[Sampson's Mom]

I am so so sorry about your little Jake. Please don't think you are boring anyone by talking about him. Many of us have been there and know the pain you are feeling.

We had to let our 6 year old Sampson go to the bridge in April. We stayed with him when he was put to sleep and it was very peaceful. There was no pain or fear...he just seemed to drift off in my arms. Don't feel bad that you didn't stay with Jake. I had to have my 17 year old cat put to sleep when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was an emotional basket case anyway and I knew I couldn't be there. Our vet assured me that he and the tech would stay with her until it was over.

We all understand your feelings right now. After Sampson was gone I had a hard time making it through the day without him. I found myself starting to get his dinner ready or looking for him in his favorite spots. I don't know what it is about Rotts, but they connect with us in a way that no other animal does. They become such a part of us that losing them seems unbearable. Just keep talking about him, cry whenever you want, and in a while you will find yourself thinking of the good times with Jake and maybe even laughing about the silly things he did. It takes time but it will happen. When Sampson died I got so much support from everyone here. I think being able to talk to everyone is what go me through. Most of my friends didn't understand how a losing a "dog" could be so devastating. Only the people here could truely understand. Remember we're all here and ready to listen. Take care of yourself and your little baby. I'll be thinking of you.

Lisa

[Karyn]

You are not boring - all we want to do is hold you close and let you talk and cry as you must in order to heal. I do believe God let you meet "Jake" to let you know it was okay and that he is waiting for you. He will be with you in spirit and in your heart always. You did a very brave thing to let him go. You are loved.

[Darseeuh]

I'm sitting here reading your post and crying my eyes out! I am a new rottie owner and a fairly new pet owner. My hubby had a few dogs but Pookie is my first dog and I have a closeness with him just like he was my second child. Your story really brought home to me how I would feel if I was in your shoes. Please know that you have my support!
Keep talking and letting your feelings out. And trust me, it is not boring at all!!

[LORHEL]

I am so sorry you are in so much pain right now. You are not boring anyone, and it is good to get it out. The more you talk about it the better you will feel. I don't think Jake suffered, but is in peace right now. The suffering was going on while he was sick.
:( You did what was best for him. He could not make that decision, you as his mom had to. He will always be in your heart, and try to focus on all the good times. Are you pregnant right now? I wasn't able to tell, if you are or have recently had a baby. That is great either way. I cannot have children, and Zeke has been like that to me, along with my two cats.

I don't know how soon you will get a new puppy but I am sure Jake will be watching over all of you, and just remember, just when it seems like it is the end of the world and it cannot feel any worse, it will get better. I suffer from a mood disorder, and I know first hand what being down ALL the time for no reason can be like. I wish you the best with both of your new babies.
Lori

[Amber Joy]

I know exactly what you're going through! The only difference is I never knew what happened to my Missy (a beagle we adopted). She was playing in the backyard, while I was home, I looked out (I was doing dishes, in full view of the yard) and she was gone, and there, on the ground was her collar. I searched and searched and never found her again. I'd only had her for a few months, but I was devistated. I sometimes think it's harder to lose a small one than and old one because when their old, you know they had a good, long life with you, and were happy, and it was time to go home. But with a puppy, it seems too soon. I was pregnant when that happened, and it was months before I stopped crying when I thought about it. I still get teary. I have her collar and tags still. I have my other dogs, but I still miss her so much. I almost lost my pomeranian rescue too. She was attacked by a basset rescue we were fostering, and was paralized from the shoulders down. We thought for sure it was over. Luckily, it was only a bruised spinal cord, and as we speak, she is running around following my kids. But I thought for sure, and spent the whole night, thinking she was dead. I feel for you, and will pray for you.

[DianaC]

It's never easy to take them on that final trip. I did it 2 years ago with my 8 year old Rotti, I didn't know what to expect, and really it was a very peaceful end. I had awful visions of what I thought would happen but he just "fell asleep" in my arms. Yes it was devastating and not something I try and dwell on. It's the one final thing you can do for your Rotti is be there with him/her at the very end. That said my brother (then 18) left the room when it came time, he said he just couldn't watch, but I just had to be there for him. I couldn't leave. Please believe me it will get a little better each day. :(

[ July 20, 2001: Message edited by: DianaC ]