Addy Girl (sorry long)

[Gracie H.]

Little Miss Addy went to the Bridge on 01, April, 2004.

I haven't been able to write about it until today, and even now I have a lump in my throat, tears welling, and a pain in my heart. Addy will always be "My Girl." I will never forget the love she gave and the joy she brought to our family. Having to make the decision to put Addy to sleep was by far the most difficult decision I have made in my life. That night she went to the bridge we all stayed up until 2: AM ... crying and telling stories of our girl. I have never seen Pat, the farm boy, cry so hard in my life.

We spoke with her Vet, her trainer, two behaviorists, Animal Control .. each time hoping just ONE person would put that shadow of a doubt in our minds to keep Addy with us. That answer never came. Actually when I talked about it to the animal control officer, he had tears in his eyes as he gave me his thoughts and feelings.

Each person said that it was best for ADDY. It never felt like it was best for US and we kept on searching. Eventually we came to terms with what they were saying and scheduled the apt to have Addy Girl put to sleep. Addy went that day in Pat's arms. Pat, Dr. Cory, and the techs all cried together after she'd gone. Pat did his best to keep it together before she passed. He said he did have some tears, but held the big stuff back. arrghhh. This hurts.

On the day Addy was scheduled to be PTS, our daughter, Sophie was admitted into the hospital and we had to make the painful decision of who would stay with which girl. We decided to follow through with Addy's apt. for we knew if we didn't do it that day, we possibly never would, and Addy would be in fear her whole life with us holding on to her for our own selfish reasons.

It became clear that I should stay with Sophie and Pat stay with Addy. I feel so awful that I wasn't with Addy too, but perhaps God knew that I wouldn't be able to keep it together for Addy before she went. I am not sure.

The emptiness is so hard. I don't have my best friend, my shadow, my partner in crime all day at the computer while working, my bathroom buddy (no privacy with Addy!), the girl who greeted me at the door, rode in the car with me each time I drove the kids to school or to practices, my Jolly Ball Buddy, the clown of the house, the girl who snored so loud she lulled me to sleep and passed gas so bad she'd clear a room! I miss her so much it still hurts. I suppose it always will.

They say with "time" the pain will be easier, it hasn't happened yet, but am hoping someday it will.

The Vet called me to tell me that I can pick up Addy's cremains. I asked her if I could wait until Thursday as I feel like I need to pull myself together before going in there. I don't know what to do with her ashes once I get them. I bought an urn to either keep in the house, bury or to use to carry the cremains to a favorite place. I don't know what is holding me back from picking them up ... perhaps not wanting to face the reality of it all. My mind doesn't feel clear about anything yet.

If you've read this far -- thank you. I just needed to get this out. And I can't help rambling ...
I pray that I can be a good enough person to be able to meet my girl when it's my time. She taught us SO much. Her love was unconditional. She seemed to love us more than she loved herself. She will always be missed.

Til' we meet again, Addy. I Love You, Girl.

[jakesfostermom]

Oh Grace, your tribute to Addy has me in tears. Godspeed Addy and Grace, I hope you and your family will find comfort in your memories of time with Addy. We'll keep you all in our thoughts & prayers as you continue to heal...

[mmgy]

Doing what you have done is NEVER "best for us", and at those emotional times it's sometimes hard to be clear on what's right for us, versus what's right for them. Time will help you here, and make your decisions clearer to you.

As for her remains, I've never been in a hurry to "do" anything, including picking them up. That's very personal, but don't feel any guilt if you're not sure just yet what to do.

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this...............

Another sweet soul at the bridge. Rest peacefully Addy.

[Squeaky2004]

Sorry to hear about your girl. I hope you and your family can recover from the loss quickly. Our thoughts are with you.

[KatMc]

I'm so sorry, it's clear how much Addy was loved. Time does make it easier, it never goes away, Addy will forever hold a piece of your heart and in time the special memories will bring smiles more often than tears.

As for Addy's remains, I have had 7 of my beloved companions cremated. Some of their remains are in urns, some special jars, the same place took care of a few of them and put them in wooden boxes. I have moved a few times during this and each time I take them with me, the boxes they are packed in even carry their names so I know who is where.

You and your family are in my prayers for peace and healing.

Kathy

[Brooke&Ryan]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your tribute to Addy was both touching & heartfelt.

Rest In Peace sweet girl.

Brooke

[LORHEL]

I am so sorry about Addy, it is never easy making that decision, I was in your shoes before, and I finally realized I had to do what was best for my boy, not what was best for us. It is so hard. I hope you find comfort in knowing Addy loves you no matter what happened, and knows you did what was best for her.

Your story on her was very touching, and they are never rambling or too long, they are from the heart. ;)

[Gracie H.]

Thank you all for the kind words. I know one day the tears will turn to smiles with the memories of the times we shared. You are all such very special people to take your time to reply. Thank you SO much!

[Patty1231]

I am so sorry. Your pain is so obvious it hurts us all. Stay strong and know Addy is at peace...soon, you will be as well. God bless you.

[JaniceH]

Dearest Gracie,

You know we have both shed tears together recently. Your tribute to Addy says it all. Don't forget, she is now at peace.

[pbach]

Such love is obvious when you write of your Addy Girl. You are in my thoughts during this most difficult time.

Patty

[Ocean]

It hurts so bad - I lost my Blaze Monday, and only had him 8 short months. It will take time, but I know our happy memories will one day come without tears as well... Know that Addy and Blaze are playing with the others at the Bridge and they are happy and well.