Bad day

[chivas]

Its been 37 days since the light of my life was extinguished and today is particualry bad. No one reason - just feel the absence of my most wonderful girl very keenly today. I still have a hard time believing she is truely gone. I look at her pictures and just cannot comprehend that i wont wake up to see that beautiful girl smiling at me.
The last 5 months, I slept on the couch in my living room so I could be with her. It was more comfortable for her there with her bigger bed. Every nite for some reason I would wake up and at the exact time, she too would look to make sure I was still on the couch. If i was on the computor or in the bathroom; she would make her way to where I was and lay down.
Every night when I came home from work - i was see her face at the door and my husband would tell me that 5 minutes before I came home, she would get up and sit there. Coming home now and not seeing her face at the door rips my heart apart again. I just dont know how to handle this, nothing seems to make me happy now.
Kim
Chivas (11-15-91 to 08-29-02) I love you, Chivas!!!!!

[WorkinDogz]

It's a horrible, empty feeling that I know well........ but...... I also know that MY GIRL would be terribly upset seeing me upset.....so you know what? In HONOR of her and all of the joys she brought (and continues to bring through all of the wonderful memories!) I smile when I walk in...... Smile when I think of her...... Smile when I get in the car knowing she LOVED it and was HAPPY when she was with me........

Time to change your routine a bit.......and let the GOOD memories of your time together overshadow the heart break of losing her.....

:) It does get better.......if you let it.

[whitney greenway]

It is hard Chivas, I know all to well where you are coming from.

I put my boy down last Weds. And it hurt like Hell.

The ache will never go away, but we have to keep moving on.

Annette, is right they would be terribly sad if they thought we were not able to move on.

I think about Cam every day of my life, and know that the time we had together was wonderful.

We will all see each other again, that is something I do believe.

[LORHEL]

It will get better, but right now I know you don't believe it... I didn't either.. and I didn't even have the years that all of you had with your dogs. The fond memories, times spent together. I had a few happy times I remembered, but alot more--struggling so hard to figure things out, the pain of holding a baby only 3 weeks old and trying to bond with him , then the pain of having to put something that on the outside, was so beautiful, but on the inside, so ugly.

My boy tried so hard, and through all that, we loved him, enough to say goodbye and end the suffering he had...

But its been over a year, and the jingle of his tags/collar, or like finding out last week a neighbors rottie was very sick and had to be put down....made me cry once again..

You never totally get over it, but it gets a little better

Its like the piece of you is gone, but some of you is still there.

You have to go on at some point. I spent way too long analyzing and trying to figure out what went wrong, I killed myself mentally trying to come up with an answer, so I could move on.

I finally came to what some one told me: It wasn't meant to be.

But for a year, I loved that boy, with all my heart, and my husband as well. And today, no way would I believe if you told me, could I be so happy with a very special gift from Zeke, and some other wonderful people. Her name, Makita. The light of my life...

She gets me through anything. She is my hero...

My heart goes out to you, and many hugs your way...someday you will heal but you won't ever forget that love.

Regards.

Lori

[roadweed]

Kim,
I hope you are holding up OK. I am sorry that it hurts so bad. I noticed you on another thread asking about a newfoundland. I am hoping that you are thinking about opening your heart up to a new baby. I do think it helps. While I still miss Kaptain like h-ll and wish he was here every day, Gretchen does ease the loneliness and gives me something to chanel my energy towards. I agree with the others, I do think Chivas would want to see you move on. Just try to focus on all the good memories and love and time you had with her rather then on her loss.(easier said then done, I know!) She gave you a lot, and she will always be with you in your heart.
Yarrow

[chivas]

thanks Yarrow and all that responded.
I just dont know if I am ready for another dog now - Chivas was so much of my life, I dont know if I would be fair to another one now but I am tentativly inquiring about that newfie. I thought I would want another rottie and still think i do but i feel that I may compare it to Chivas and that would be wrong, so maybe right now another breed would be better. Just dont know - still hurts very very much.
Kim

[ILoveRotts]

I'm so sorry.

I lost my Rusty in April & still miss him terribly. Even though we have 3 other Rotts and had a human baby since his passing, the house seems so empty without him. Every night when I say goodnight to everyone (hubby, baby, & dogs) I always say goodnight to my beautiful Bubby(Rusty).

My heart goes out to you.

[chivas]

thank you IloveRotts,

I was just sitting here thinking its been 50 days today since I last saw my beautiful baby girl and it really hasnt gotten better. Yesterday was the first day that i didnt cry, yet i cry now as i type this.
We only pass this way but once and God saw it to bring that wonderful creature to me and me to her. We needed each other and I still need her. Most dont understand but the ones who do, know that kind of love is but once.
Kim

[Rottie_Lin]

My heart goes out to you. Time will help, tho it sure does not seem that way now.
You were indeed blessed as was Chivas. What a wonderful testimony you are to her!
Did you do a memorial for her on the rainbow bridge site?

Lin

[chivas]

Yes, I did a memorial for her at Rainbow Bridge site and even a little web page on here.
And i donate to rottweilerhealth.org in her memory so maybe no one else has to go through the terrible ordeal of osteosarcoma.
Kim

[Rottie_Lin]

I am so humbled by your thoughtfulness and your understanding of what I am sure Chivas would have wanted you to do.

I so hope the pain eases soon for you, as you sound so very anguished.
God Bless
Lin

[Barb and Raven]

I have kept up with your posts on Chivas and even made a reply at one time. I too lost one to Osteosarcoma. It was 4 years ago in Aug. Her name was Kasy. She lived for a year after her diagnosis and I had to put her down at the time I did due to her hips giving out. She had her left front leg amputated because of the tumor. Two weeks prior to her hips giving out a tumor was found in her other front leg. I really hated to put her down because she was so healthy and alert at the time. She was NEVER sick despite the cancer. I had chosen not to put her through chemo.
I lost her son Buddy very unexpectedly 5 months and 5 days later. It was harder to lose him because I wasn't expecting it even though he had been sick for two weeks prior. As it turned out he had a tumor on his spleen. Maybe I just hadn't wanted to even think I would lose him. Especially so soon after having lost his mom. I was not with him when he left us because he was at the vet's. I had Kasy's head cradled in my arms and telling her how much I loved her and would miss her. I knew for that last year I would lose her so I could prepare for it. Yet it was still so hard.
Anyway, to get to the point, not long after losing Kasy, I read a nice little saying somewhere (can't remember where). It was written in a dog's perspective. It went like this: "Do not deny another the love you have given me." It stuck in my mind.
So Raven came into my life. I look to her as being very special to me because she was two weeks to the day on the day that Kasy left me. I too at first thought why did I even get her so soon. I even had considered returning her. But I kept one thing in mind. Because of her age of two weeks on that day she was just beginning to see the world as Kasy was seeing it for the last.
So ever since then she's been extra special to me and I always tell her that. She's spoiled rotten!!! Of course, Kasy and Buddy were also. I have their ashes each in a nice urn with their pics on an attached framed and a rottie angel ornament sitting on top of them. I also have started a scrapbook album for the many, many pics I took of them. I keep their collars on the bedpost and tell them each night goodnight and I miss them.
Yes, it is very hard at first. I will never get over missing them and I know I will have to go through it again one day with the two I now have. In the meantime, they get tons of love and kisses and spoiling.

[chivas]

That was wonderful, Barb. I too have thought about another dog but I am afraid I may compare it to Chivas and that would not be fair. So, I am taking it that I am not ready yet. I babysat for a friends rottie this past weekend and couldnt stop crying. The dog didnt look at all like CHivas but had some of the same mannerisms, it was incredibly hard.
I wake up at night and still think she is here and when i realize she is not, this wave of sorrow about paralyzes me.
I have never experienced anything so painful in my life and no one in my family understands.
Kim

[chivas]

71 days today since my most wonderful girl went to wait for me. and the pain doesnt seem to get better.
Had a guy over at the house today giving an estimate on some work and he saw her picture taken when she took 3rd place in obiedence and I fell apart in tears when he asked about her.

I miss you sooooo much, Chivas.