Missing out somewhere??

[blackluv]

Hi Everyone,

Don't know if this is the right forum, but thought I would try posting it here.

I am the very proud Mum of a 16 month old Rotti, Bugsy, who I adopted from AaR in Ontario, Canada. He is a goofy boy, but at the same time he's also a little shy and worried, and absolutely HATES change of any kind. Anyway, I deviate!

My problem is that I am having a very hard time bonding with him. Please don't misunderstand - I love him - but there's no connection between us. When playing outside with the ball, if my hubby is with us he will return the ball to him and not me. He used to come for cuddles on the sofa, and although he still does on occasion, it is less frequent. When I call him he always looks worried, but if you knew me you would know that I have never ever physically abused him or shouted at him. I have, at times, told him off for excessive barking and being too rough when playing with my senior boy, Shadow. I make sure all his needs are met, and we do interact (play time, feeding, treats, walks), but I feel we are missing out on a relationship! I am so used to having "seniors" in my life and (this probably sounds daft) but I'm not quite sure what to do with a young un! I am looking into obedience classes for him and me - hoping this will give us a connection (he's already taken 1 obedience class but for some reason it wasn't any fun for him or for me) - I wasn't too comfortable with the trainer.

We are going through some major changes in our lives at the moment and life is a little stressful, but we ALWAYS make time (at the expense of sleep) to spend time with all our furkids.

Don't know if any of this makes sense, but any suggestions or advice would be much appreciated. I want him to reach his full potential and at the same time develop a connection between us.

Thanks.

[IJF1]

Sometimes it just takes a bit of time! My wife had the same problem with our pup, even though she did the majority of formal training at classes. They get on great now.

I would definitely recommend that you do training with him - it's a great way to bond. Also, let him see that good things come from you (food/walks etc.). Don't worry about telling him off - as long as you are fair he will not like you any less. The more he sees you as the leader the more he will WANT to be with you.

Lastly, try and have fun with him. This is why often kids and dogs bond so well. Lark around, do goofy stuff, scream when he chases you etc. Even when training, a dog will enjoy it more if you are enjoying it.

[rottielover2004]

why don't you do all the training and feed times. Play with him...Look to be the alpha....Positive training will always help them bond to the one who is training

[AngelBunny]

Getting Bugsy and yourself into class with a trainer you like, who's had working dog experience, and uses positive reinforcement is something I strongly encourage. Tell the instructor what you told us.

How long has he been your dog?

[smileygirl]

It does take a different amount of time with each of them. My three year old was a quick bond(love at first sight) and after training (3yrs and counting) the bond is incredible! With my two year old, bonding is just now coming around, even though same training time and same amount of attention??? It will happen if you are willing to keep doing the right things with Bugsy...these pups have taught me an amount of patience I never thought I was capable of! Good Luck....Tina

[SonnyRott]

It sounds like you have provided a great home for your boy!

What kind of exercise is he getting per day? I would set aside times for only the two of you each day. Long walks (barring any medical issues), hiking in the woods, training classes as you've already suggested, and times where only the 2 of you play "special games" together.

Some of the special times my dog and I enjoy are:

* Running errands in the truck.
* Hiking on new trails.
* Picking out a new toy at the petstore.
* Learning a new game (there are many books on this).
* Climbing up and around the playscapes at our local park.

But the best way to create a bond with your dog is to work and train him. He gets mental stimulation, physical stimulation and learns to trust you as the kind owner that you are.

P.S. If you know he is a worried boy and you say your life is stressful right now, this could be adding to his reluctance to bond with you until things (you) become more peaceful and stable.

[spoiledbabies3]

Each rottie bonds differently...I agree with SonnyRott that you might want to set aside special time for just the two of you. I have 3 fur babies and each one has their own "mommy time"...the old man and I just cuddle as we lay in the floor or take short walks (at 10 with slight HD and arthritis he doesn't walk for very long distances) together. My excited 5 yo and I are re-enrolled in obedience classes to calm him a bit...we also do lots of frisbee and catch. He was a bit shy for a while but after much hard work and love he has come around (he had been abused when we adopted him). And we are getting a 4 mo old pup this weekend to add to the crew. She and I are already enrolled in puppy kinder...which from past experience helps greatly with the bonding process. The main focus for me was to simply have "down time with mommy" for each one individually. They have learned how to wait for their own time now...although in the beginning there was some issue with it. Good luck and keep us updated!

[Lola B Marie]

Our Lola is 15 months and a nervous wreck if ever there was one. Our previous girl was so calm and collected, she just about took care of her self. All rotties are different so don't ever doubt yourself. Some of them are just nuts and I mean that in a strangely beautiful way.For example, Lola always feared the vacuum cleaner. She would bolt out of the room when ever she saw it. Yesterday, she came flying down the stairs, bit the vacuum and I mean really sunk her teeth into the bag, and ran away. When we order pizza, she sits and waits for the pizza delivery person. When we order other food, she barks her brains out and yes, the pizza people are all different.
She bonded with me but only if my son is not home. When he comes in it's like I don"t exist. I feed her and tend to her every need.She just adores him.I treat her kile an independent child with a mind of her own. When she needs mom, I'm there for her and she knows it. Sometimes she will bring her favorite toy and just drop it in my lap and walk away. That says it all.
Watch for the small things, Your dog does love you very much.

[gnwhite]

I can relate as it will take me at least a year to have a real bond with a dog.
And i mean me not the dog. when we got sampson he just was a daddys boy and listend to me the most etc. well flash forward to the present and he just loves his mommy. I love the little guy to death and he will lay all over my feet and whine and wiggle when i get home or he gets home with my wife but from my own experience i can tell you we are not really bonded. It may make no sence but i just do not bond very readily with a new dog. maybe im just strange!

If you usually bond quickly with dogs then maybe you are just not used to this dogs timetable. dont rush it. he will come around.
If you dont bond quickly with dogs then he may know it and it will take more time.

[Rhea's Mom]

My bf had some trouble bonding w/ Rhea (she's always by my side) so I made it a point ot leave them alone (go shopping, gym, a long walk by myself) and encourage him to take her with him wherever he goes and whatever he does (go visits his brothers, mowing the lawn, working on the yard, etc.)... He's also coming to obedience classes with us now (yeah!) and we alternate training... Just give it time - all rotties (well, puppies in general) are different!

[blackluv]

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it's taken so long to respond to all your great e-mails - I've been off-line for a few days - my poor Mum got rushed into hospital and when you're 3,000 miles away it's tough!! Depending on the prognosis I will be flying home to the UK in the next week or 2.

Thank you all so much for your insight and responses. I love all the suggestions!

One of the mistakes we've made is that we've made play time and together time a family time, as opposed to individual activities and down time. I think this is a great idea and we're gonna work in some quality individual time, and work on the bonding issue!

Again, thanks so much for all the insight.

Moni