i am loosing my best friend b/c i have a rottie!!

[AngelBunny]

zeudaboo:

Oh dear, what a position you are in.

Friends--real, true friends--don't make each other choose. "I'll be your friend, but you have to do this" isn't what friendship means.

I find it interesting that her daughter was bitten by their own dog, yet it appears she now thinks all dogs are nasty. It is unreasonable of her to expect that you'd keep your dog crated for that period of time. Perhaps confined to another room of the house, but certainly not crated.

I would think that as a caring, responsible parent she would want to help her daughter overcome the trauma of being bitten in the face and not act in a way that may negatively reinforce her daughter's reaction to other dogs. I would think that one way to help her daughter cope is to display an open mind--all dogs aren't going to bite you.

Perhaps some counseling might be in order for your friend.

Maybe your friend wants you to crate your dog because she's feeling guilty over the fact their dog bit a member of her family.

[Ev]

My believe that when you bring a new baby into your home even the four legged kind they are a member of the family and family comes first period. If she won't come to some reasonable compromise during her visits tell her GOOD BYE forever or until she gets mature

[Rudi]

Its sad what happened to your friend's daughter. What's more sad is that your "friend" (and I use that term quite loosely) would give you a guilt trip and say that you put your dog before your friendship with her.

I do understand your friend's apprehension because what has happened to her daughter...as the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy," that's what she is. But like AngelBunny said, it will definitely affect her daughter very negatively toward all dogs.

I can't advise you what to do, but I know if it were posed to me, I would tell my "friend" that our friendship was NEVER based on a dog, but on mutual respect for one another. Though I understand their feelings, and as a friend, that person should have respect for my feelings and my home. Now if that person chooses to disolve a friendship because unwilliness to be understanding about my feelings then so be it. Friendships have been broken over more legitimate things...this isn't one of them.

Your "friend" sounds a little unreasonable to me. I guess the mature thing you can do is plainly express to her your understand her feelings, but also express how unreasonable she demands are and if she still feels like you're "putting your dog ahead of your friendship" then let her be the one who breaks the relationship, not you.

Sorry that it has to happen like this for you. Hope it will work out.

[jeremy0]

Well why on earth would someone be afraid of a Rottie? Seriously, they are not a snappy dog, and ofter a protector of small children, not a killer by any means. (Never leave them alone though by any means due to the Rotties power and size) Actually the #1 bitting dog is the Cocker Spaniel!!!

Rottweilers get the bad reputation from the media, books, TV shows....etc....and dog can be mean, but unfortunatly the Rottweiler got a reputation by all of these "Macho Morons" who think that they will turn on their owners and attack everyone. Nonsence!!! I have 6 Nieces and Nephews, and they are all between 3 and 10 yrs old and my rottie loves the attention she gets when they come to visit. I would say to your friend, "Meet my dog and let my dog meet you because he is part of my family." Introduce them slowly and show them that yuor dog is stable....assuming he is. Actually, the socialization is good for your dog also. After while,...not a day,...I'd bet your dog will look forward to seeing your friends come over and actually run around to see them. If your dog is anything like mine, it loves attention! You know what I mean....

[Joanne in NJ]

Not only that, but this whole family is being raised to fear animals. Not a good thing, and so sad.

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[ajaxsdad]

Isn't Zeus your freind too? In fact he's family. It's his house. It's unfortunate she feels that you are putting Zeus before her. Why don't you visit her house without Zeus? Does she have to bring her children? I've been in the same situation and I'm proud to say that it helped me discover what true freindship really is. It's not because you've known someone for 25 years. Yes, thats a long time but one has to ask if ALL of the elements of freindship were ever truly there. Sorry to sound so insensitive but human freinds come and go but Zeus will always be there for you. Remember they are "Mans(Womans) best freind."

[HackN2it]

Was her child bit recently? I had a friend who was bit as a child, he's now 28 and he is very afraid of dogs. When I got Gumba, at 5 weeks he was very nervous and after a few rottie kisses he was no longer afraid. Gumba is now almost 4 months and about 40lbs., my friend is cautious when it comes to his motions near the dog, but loves to play with him and get kisses from him. He even brings him treats.

Sometimes all it takes is time and a little compromise, Good Luck....

Mike(Gumba's daddy)

My brother and his family came to visit a while back. THey are afraid of rotttweilers because (1) there are several unruly rotties down the block from them that charge the (way too short) fence whenever they walk by, and they are terrorized by this, and (2) one or both of the rotties came into their yard one day and killed their Yorkie, who was trying to defend his territory from them (and didn't recognize the size difference).

I told him my rottie was not a danger, but my brother's arguement was that his daughter's face is just about the same height as the rottie's, and it makes them all uncomfortable.

I did not push the issue, but instead I kept the dog away from them for the 4 day visit because I respected their feelings. That is, their reasoning might be based on generalizing from the rotties down the road to my rottie, but their FEELINGS cannot be wrong. I displayed sensitivity to their feelings by keeping the dog away from them during the visit.

After they were here for a little bit, they would watch me from the window while I worked with the pup in the yard, and they became confortable having him with us ON LEAD when we went for a walk.

I think this kind of approach is better than building resentment between friends of 25 years, and it will not harm your dog to be away from you and your friend for a 1 night visit.

[zeudaboo]

thank you guys,
the girl was 2 when she was bitten. she is now 3. this family lives 4 hrs away. IMHO i believe that a better compromise is that they come for the day and spend a night in a hotel room. so we can have a better visit. they will be spending the night in a hotel room all week long anyway...
thanks again for your replies.
LORI

[zeudaboo]

my friend of 25 years had her daughters face bitten by their mini schnauzer and now she refuses to visit b/c i have this dog(6mos male). she was coming for an evening and leaving the next morning and she expects me to keep him in a crate for 12 hours (only letting him out to relieve himself and to eat) she doesn't even want the dog in the vacinity of her children. Zeus continues to be socialized and and is great with children (my son, my family, at the park and at baseball games). I told her i respect her wishes but i can not meet them and i told her that she was asking too much of me. She doesn't think she's asking to much of me at all. She feels i'm putting the dog before our friendship. I need suggestions on what to tell her to hopefully make her understand the breed and how to feel comfortable. she might never but i will not get rid of the dog b/c of her neurotics!!
thank you so much for ur replies!!
LORI

[Leahjean]

I have friens who also quit comming due to my Rott,Rarely call,or keep in touch at all My Leah has died in the meantime,but I never let them know.Because she was hear for me she used to wake me when my breathing got weezy(I have asthma) So I feel she saved my life a few times, I used to talk,Laugh and cry with her she was the best friend I ever had, and all my wimpy friends who would'nt even give her a chance dont know what they were missing,not getting to know such a sweet spirit,And to come to think of it I liked or LOVED her More than those people who I thought were my friends, Also she will be robbing her children out a lot of love and companionship they could get from a nice dog Later on in their lives and also as children.. It give them responsibility, etc.My Mom was always afraid of dogs too,for the same reason she was bitten,but not by their own dog,so all I had when she was living was a poodle she accepted her because she was so small,But she was grouchier(MANDY) than my Rotts Who never were grouchy..When my mom Died we were all including Mandy the Poodle ,in her room in my home.She died in my arms (I Cry at that thought too)I believe If she could've lived longer she would've accepted a Rott since she was pretty well over her fear of Dogs,So anyway If she'll try for her and her children to slowly be around Dogs She will heal also.. Hugs Jean

[Eliza]

How about a compromise? Arrange to meet her away from your home. Go to her place or meet somewhere for lunch, or coffee. Isn't that what friendship is all about compromise! Some people do have a genuine fear of dogs.I didn't always take my Rotti when I went to friends places, some I did, others I didn't. I wouldn't end a friendship because of this.Give your friend some time and understanding and maybe in time she will relax around your Rotti. Maybe you could suggest instead of staying overnight she just comes over for a visit of an evening. Then your Rotti won't need to be crated for that length of time.

[This message has been edited by Eliza (edited June 08, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Eliza (edited June 08, 2000).]

[rottix2]

I cannot imagine one of my good friends expecting me to choose between them and my dogs - they all know how important my dogs are to me. I would very much resent being asked to choose.

However, one very close friend is deathly afraid of dogs - all dogs, not just my rottis. I don't know why, it's just the way she is. When she comes to visit, we make a reasonable effort to accomodate her. She and her husband live in a different state from us and usually visit for a day or two every year or so. Our relationship is important to me. She has never put me in the position of having to choose between her and my dogs, but I have chosen to meet her halfway. I put the dogs in their outdoor pen during the day when she is here, but bring them into the house at night to sleep. As both dogs sleep on the floor in our room, she doesn't have to deal with them. We have a nice visit, she leaves happy, and my family goes back to normal.

Zeudaboo-

I think if you loose your friend it is because you are failing to be sensitive to his/her feelings, you are attributing human emotions to your pet, and you are not being flexible. I hope you make some other arrangement for your pup for the 1 night and have a nice visit with your friend and his/her family.

[Fergy]

Friendship means you trust one another. A true friend would not put you in a position to choose between them and a family member. If you informed your friend that your dog was safe, she should trust you. AngleBunny has the truth, and Orville a solution. Good luck.