When do I say Goodbye?

[TagVonTitan]

Hello...I keep looking for this answer. My Rottweiller of 7 years next month, was diagnosed with bone cancer April 19. He was limping with his left leg, and x-rays showed cancer in the left shoulder. He has been on anti-inflamatories/pain killer combo pills since. Some days he does not use his left and I think, ok, I have to do this...and other days he runs and plays and you would never know. I have heard him cry two times. I know dogs want to please us so badly, so how do you know? Only a couple of days has he not felt like eating, but otherwise he is up and eating everytime. I do not want to keep him alive for selfish reasons, so I am really trying to feel the right thing.

[Judi W]

Anyone who owns dogs for any length of time, must make these decisions. It is part of the contract we make with them when we bring them into our lives. They give us so much and the end time is when we must step up to the plate for them.

My personal decision-making is based on the fact that I will not allow one of my animals to suffer unless I know it is temporary. I don't base it on how how bearable it seems to be. That is my personal heart decision. Each person however must decide for themselves what their contract with the animals in their care is. If the pain meds are buying you some time together, that is a good thing. Do not however stint on them. Our dogs live in a physical world and do have a sense of their own dignity and pride.

[TagVonTitan]

Thank you for your quick response. I have four days of medication left, and instead of refilling, I keep thinking that it is probably best not to. That this should be the time. I remind myself often that he is not going to "get better" in the end. I plan to have the vet come to my home, because I have a three year old Rott, and I think it will be good closure for him.

[Bucky's Mom]

Originally Posted by TagVonTitan

and instead of refilling, I keep thinking that it is probably best not to.

Someone here wrote once to make a list of your dogs three favorite things.

(Such as hiking or swimming or going outside and chasing the birds or a favorite bone or their special place on the porch)

When they can't enjoy two out of the three it is time.

I am sorry you are facing this - but it is the final gift to read the signs and know the time.

[Patty1231]

I recently went through this myself. Perle was diagnosed in October with a very aggressive and untreatable form of mammary cancer that had already advanced into the lymph nodes, although the tumor itself had seemingly appeared over night. I posted often on this forum for support because I had never been through anything like this and had no idea if I could make the correct decisions when the time came. They were right, Perle did let me know when it was time. The two out of three rule held very true with her, as well. I had actually scheduled her appointment for a Friday but Thursday morning she told me she needed to go. I was surprised at the strength I was given suddenly to do this. Letting her go was actually very peaceful because I knew I had given her new life. Losing her was the difficult part (and still is) but knowing I made the right decision for her and that I will see her again does ease some of the pain. My prayers will be with you.

[Dee]

My heart is breaking for you and the decision your faced with. Having had animals all my life I've had to go through this many more times than I wish to remember. I totally agree with Judi W's post and feel its my responsibility and final gift to my friend to set it free from its pain. Just know we are all here for you when you need us. You and your boy will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[JeanT]

If not refilling the prescription in a few days is your "time", then I'd say don't go through the "three things list" suggested by Bucky's Mom. The "list" is a wonderful assist for us to try to come to grips with our decision when we can't do it otherwise. It sounds as if set your marker, which for me has always been the hardest part, more difficult than actually going through the final act. I've had to go through it twice, for OS.

They are capable of enduring tremendous pain for us, waiting for us to make the decision. It is so hard to see a bad day and to think you know it's time, and then there are a few good days and the resolve fades. Just remember that the pain is never gone, even with the meds; dogs don't complain; and the bone could fracture at the cancer site at any moment and seconds let alone hours of that agony will haunt you forever.

You are very fortunate to have a vet who will come to your house. I had that the second time, and it was such a help for both of us.

For the three year old - there are some discussions here about the surviving companions of our dogs who have died. How they've been introduced to it and so on. Sorry I can't think of any specifics, but you can search.

I'm sorry.

[RottiMomCT]

I'm so sorry you are facing this decision.

We faced it here with our old girl in October of 2003. At about 9-11 yrs old, she was diagnosed with bone cancer in her front right leg/shoulder in May 2003. A week later the affected, and very painful, limb was amputated. Within a wekk she was up and moving, and her attitude was greatly improved - she even initiated play with Ben, something she had never done - maybe her second shance, however small, helped her.

Anyways...shortly after her diagnosis, we made a list of her five favorite things to do: lay in the sun, sleep in the hallway (seriously!), eat, go for rides, and watch the fish in the water garden.

Well, 5 months after surgery, a tumor appeared at the surgical site, and a chest xray confirmed what we already knew - the cancer had spread to her lungs. We pulled out that list and read it daily - reminding ourselves that as soon as items on that list were unable to be done, a decision had to be made.

She never lost her enthusiasm for eating, but getting her up to go outside was impossible - she only wanted to lay wherever she was laying, and would get mad if you tried to help her. The decision was made two weeks later when she hadn't been able to get up to go potty for over 24 hours. I sat with her while she was given a sedative, and told her what a great dog she was, and how much she made us smile, and how we'll always remember her silly 'fu manchu' whiskers...I also told her it was OK to go, that we were not mad she was leaving us, and that we would always love her no matter what.

She calmed considerably after I said that, maybe it was the sedative, maybe just hearing that it was OK for her to go helped her let go, but the final injection was quick, an she took a long deep breath and then was gone...I swear she smiled.

Peace be with you as you make this final journey together...he will not be angry with you for this, he will thank you for releasing him from his painful cancer...

[damp]

I have my rules set for when it’s time. I find it “easier” to put a dog to sleep, when I already have determined what my criteria are (made with common sense and realistic thinking) long before the last drive to the vet, when emotions rule. My criteria are SET IN STONES and RIGHT for me.

I am from a different world and being a member of the forums for many years, I know I think different than the majority of the members. So what I would do, counts for me and not for the majority so no need to post them here…(not saying I am ashamed to post them or discuss them)

The keyword is dignity … but we can discuss from now and to Christmas Eve what that means.

I just want to be able “to look at myself in the mirror”

When I got my first dog and handed over the check, I still remember what the breeder said: “You bought a dog, but never forget you also bought a sorrow…

[Patty1231]

Originally Posted by damp

The keyword is dignity … but we can discus from now and to Christmas Eve what that means.

I just want to be able “to look at myself in the mirror”

No truer words spoken, damp. We all must decide for ourselves when the time has come and can only hope we did not cause any undo suffering that we may have to answer to them for later.

[Judi W]

As you can tell, Damp and I have the same contract with our animals. For us they are entitled to the pride and dignity with which they have led their lives and are not to be demeaned.

[bigdogweilerx2]

We just went thru this last Thursday.She cried a couple of times that night and I had to pick Her off the bed to go out!She could jump up on the bed or into the SUV(Her fav. thing to do is go for a ride)She never give up eatting but Her spirt kept Her going and always will.So we desided this is no quilty of life and we miss Her so much and we lost Her sister 3 months before to apendix burstting,and we havn't got over Her either.But we knew it was only fair and now there agether again over the rainbow and will all be together again and that's when they'll thank us and know we did the right thing.At least we can do that for or 4 legged animails,were we can't do that for Humans!

[kala]

I just went through this decission a little over a month ago. It is a very hard and personal decission on just how much you and your dog are willing to go through. One thing I did with Sissy, I sat down with her the night before I made the appointment. I looked into her eyes and just talked to her. I look for what I call the 1000 mile stare. That look is when the dog is looking at you but you can tell they are looking past you. Like they are looking toward where they are going. Once you see the look you will recognize it. Trust your heart, and your dog.

sue

[pazzo]

My heart breaks for you. I also agree with Judy and Damp. Dignity is first, I as many of us have gone through this. It is never easy, I said this in another post and I have to say it again, to me the most important is to put that dog's feelings before your own. Losing one leaves a great big whole but knowing that you were there for him as he was always for you brought me some comfort. I only wish someone could do the same for me if I were that sick. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[TagVonTitan]

Thank you everybody for your responses. You all have provided such valuable information to me, and for that I am very grateful. It feels so good to have such wonderful support in an instant, from people that have shared the same experience. I think I know what I have to do, and maybe it is the big hole in my heart that I fear the most. I watch him limp, but he is on pills. He no longer jumps in the SUV, and he loves riding in a car. He loves the dogpark, but will not get in the car to go there. He will go for a walk, however...which is why I get so flustered. I know that if I let it go too far, and wait until I see more pain to somehow justify all of this, that maybe in the end that would hurt me more knowing that his dignity was taken from him. Thank you again.