new pup concerns...

[JJsRiley]

Hello all,
as some of you may know I had to put my 3yr old male to rest back on 11/08/04...well..my hunny and IDISCUSSED the POSSIBILITY of getting another male pup "some time" maybe the first of the year..like spring or so.
anyway..with that said.
My sister (god love her)..searched for a pup and found one with the help pf my mother..and gave him to us for X-mas.Everyone told her that we should pick out our own...when we were ready.She's rather stubbern and got him anyway.
He's REAL cute...VERY smart...he was 8wks then..now he's about 10 wks..I guess...the problem? I like him..but he kinda drives me CRAZY...he's just being a puppy...I know..but it's like I just can't get "attached" to him.
My hunny and I have talked about finding him a new home or getting in touch with a Rottie rescuse..but I feel SO bad about all this.
I haven't figured out how my 6 yr old femal feels about him.Sometimes she initiates play..then other times (i think more so the later) she ignores him...won't let him play with some of the toys..ESPECIALLY the ones she got after Osiris passed.
Any advice??? I'm confused and lost about what to do.

Thanks in advance.

JJsRiley

[Bruce Lanthier]

Take the puppy to your sister and give it to her. Tell her she was inconsiderate of you in doing this and make her clean up her own mess.

[Sargeant_C]

Sounds like you need to sit down with your gf and your child and discuss how they feel about the puppy. If none of you really respect this dog then by all means find it a new home. Without any respect then you are going to have a handful.

But it is a puppy and they will grow on you. It was my husband who wanted a rott and I did not care for them. Now I am the one who goes out and spoils him and works with him the most. He is my dog and nobody can take him from me.

I am sure you miss your dog big time. But before you make any drastic decision sit down and play with this pup a few times. Its amazing how smart they are.

But if you decide it is not the right time then did your sis get him from a breeder who will take it back?

Good luck in making this decision.

[SABELLESMOM]

When I lost my GSD, years ago, my then boyfriend, now husband got me back into another dog a bit too quickly for me. I wasn't done grieving yet. This sounds like what has happened to you.

My advice? Stick it out. It took me a l-o-n-g time, but I loved my Max! I made up my mind that it wasn't fair not to love him, so at first I acted the part. I played with him, and I got some training in. Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with him for who he is...his own self. And he has nothing to do with my feelings for Heidi, the girl I lost.

Giving the pup up to rescue or to someone else was not an option for us.

He was one of the best dogs I'd ever owned, ultimately. Definately one of the smartest, most willing, calm and sedate, loving kind of dogs. Belgian Shepherd, BTW. Very special! I'd have hated to have missed out on that, by having given it away.

Right now you probably feel the barrel is empty. The loss of your previous dog is sucking the last dregs of emotion out of that barrel, and it lays void. But the truth is, the barrel is never quite empty, no matter how bleak it may appear. There is always a drop or two. Once you find those two drops are really there, give them quickly to the new dog. You won't regret having waited to find it for him. He will take it and give you back twenty time what you ever gave him! And then some!

[Burnsway]

Some people love gifts like that while others don't. Your sis was thinking from her heart not her mind. This one would be a really hard one for me. I feel for you. If you get rid of the pup your sis will be hurt but you don't seem ready for the pup and with a Rott pup YOU NEED TO BE READY......

Anyway you can sit down with your sis and discuss this?

You may grow attached and be shocked you ever thought of getting rid of the pup. The only problem is they are hard to place later if you don't grow attached. I don't envy your situation. If I was in it I think I would keep the pup. But thats just me.....

[Canadianrotti]

Not that this helps now, but maybe your sister could have payed for "A" pup from a breeder, and let you pick out the pup. If it is a breeder that has a few litters a year, then you can pick out the right pup at the right time.

I can't imaging what you are going through, it has to be very tough. Would it be possible to get in touch with the breeder and possible bring the pup back and explain the situation. Perhaps you can give this pup back with the intention of getting one a little later when you are ready. Just a thought.

I love dogs, all dogs (but especially rottis ). I don't think I would ever want one as a gift though. Part of the experience of getting a dog for me is doing the research, going to see them, and playing with all the pups.

Good luck with you decision.

[majicka]

It does sound like you are still grieving..I don't think it was fair of your sister to get you a puppy without your consent. Only you know when you are ready to welcome a new bundle of fur into your home and heart.

I adopted Happy about a month after my Bruno passed. I thought it was what I needed. I found myself having a hard time bonding with him. We started training classes together and I found that really helped build a bond. We have a different relationship than Bruno and I had, but it's a good different.

My female was the same way with Brando and Happy when I brought them home, she'd sometimes play and other times ignore. I chalked it up to being older.

Maybe your Hunny can be the primary caretaker of this pup until you feel that you are ready? Maybe you feel resentful towards the pup because your sister chose to sort of 'force' it on you?

[JJsRiley]

My hunny and I agreed that It was nice to just have Isis.
Maybe because she's older and has gone through all that pup stuff.
He has grown on me...some what..yesterday my sis took him with her so that her kids could see hime and help wear hime out so that he'd HOPEFULLY sleep most of the night (which he did..so it worked)....I realized and hour had passed and I didn't even miss the little guy..and Isis was all lovey...give bunches of kisses and such.
I can't even find a name for him.
This is SO tough..I have talked to my sis..she's hurt..as I knew she'd be..but she's like give him and you time..I have..but no one can say how MUCH time..and I know the older he gets the harder it'd be for him.
As for my hunny...he likes the little guy..but feels kinda like me..he's cute..smart..but just liked the idea of it just being the three of us for awhile (my hunny,Isis and Me)

JJs Riley

[brunie's mom]

Originally Posted by Sargeant_C

But if you decide it is not the right time then did your sis get him from a breeder who will take it back?

Good luck in making this decision.

I can't imagine any decent breeder would be selling a pup through a second party. Sounds like the pup came from a BYB and I doubt they would want the pup back.

If you really feel that you have given the pup a chance to fit into your home and it's not working....then I would look into getting in touch with a rescue. Rescues often have waiting lists of approved homes looking for pups or young dogs.
Pups are a hell of alot of work and if you cannot give 100% to this pup, it's not fair to him.

Gina

[damp]

Originally Posted by Bruce Lanthier

Take the puppy to your sister and give it to her. Tell her she was inconsiderate of you in doing this and make her clean up her own mess.

I agree 110 %.
No one should never ever dare to give me any animal… not even a Gold Fish. I would simply deny to receive the "gift"

I will never own an animal I have not chosen!

Originally Posted by JJsRiley

but it's like I just can't get "attached" to him.

…and you probably never will, because this pup, at this time was not your wish!

[JeanT]

If the pup is from a good breeder who will take him back, then do it.

Assuming that's not the case, my thoughts are:

1) Isis probably knows you are not enthused about the pup, so she is not going to be either.

2) My personal experience (far too much of this experience) has been that even when I've thought I've been ready, I have not been 100%. Too many memories and the next dog isn't the same dog and even though I know that and think I'm intellectually prepared to start with a tabula rosa I'm not. I never will be. BUT somehow it starts working... and then it is there. I love the new one for who she/he is. It is a relationship, not a replacement.

Maybe you can start by improving the relationship between Isis and the pup, and from that you can start seeing the pup in a new light. I do believe dogs can grieve for the loss of their friend/companion, but I don't believe they have any expectations for developing a new relationship and bond with another dog/pup. If Isis can be freed from your grief, then she can enjoy the new pup. From that, I suspect your bond with the new pup will also develop.

[Jen]

Please don't blame your sister and mother. I'm sure they were trying to do what they thought would cheer you up. I know it wasn't the best thing to do, but their hearts were in the right place. In the past 2 years I had to PTS 2 dogs, both of which I was extremely attached. We waited a while after we had to have our 10 year old Rottie PTS to get another puppy. I knew the breeder well and got to be there as the puppies were maturing. He and I analyzed the litter. I got first pick. But ya know what, I am still having a hard time getting attached to the guy. I have had him since he was 9 weeks old. He is now 6 months old as of yesterday. I can't help but compare him to my old Rottie. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are still grieving over your boy. If you think you can give this new guy a fair chance then keep him. Just remember he is not going to be like your last guy and it's not fair to compare (I am still working on this one myself). And don't feel guilty if you keep him, you are not "cheating" on your last guy. Give it a couples days and discuss it with your family. I am sure you will decide what the right thing is for you.

Jen

[JJsRiley]

Thanks Jen.
I've had him since Dec.21,04.
This is SOOOO hard..I've never been this position.I feel I should keep him 'cuz I know my sis was trying to help..but at the same time I feel like I get after him or get a little more agitated at him (for him just being him...a pup) than I should...and this isn't fair to him.Heck ...the toys we got for Isis after Osiris...she won't let the new pup play with them AT ALL..she'll litteraly take them from him..I feel so bad for the little guy.
I hope in all that's on my plate right now I can find the answer that Isis,my hunny and I can live with.
I thank EVERYONE for their help.
I think I'm mentally ddrained.
see..this year has been bead (2004).My dad has Cancer that has spread...and has gone down hill in the last few months..right now it seems to be a waiting game...then Osiris back in Nov...
Thanks again...you HAVE given me things that I haven't thought of to think about

JJsRiley

[SABELLESMOM]

Originally Posted by JJsRiley

...but she's like give him and you time..I have..but no one can say how MUCH time..and I know the older he gets the harder it'd be for him.
As for my hunny...he likes the little guy..but feels kinda like me..he's cute..smart..but just liked the idea of it just being the three of us for awhile (my hunny,Isis and Me)

JJs Riley

Guess I didn't...but I did say a l-o-n-g time. You've given him 2 weeks. But it sounds as if you've already made up your mind. And if that's the case...well do it, so he can at least have the chance of growing up where someone will love him.

For me it was maybe 3-4 months (my l-o-n-g time). Max had Marty to love him. And as I said, doing something (training/walking/boating) with him helped me. I began to see Max as an individual...completely his own personality...not a substitute for Heidi. If you can't find it in your heart, then you can't. Trust me...I know how I felt, then. And I understand. I also know how I felt once I found a little niche for him.

[StephanieandToby]

I think you should re-home the pup. You are grieving over your lost dog...you are uspet about your father's illness...you may resent your sister for what she did. That's a lot on your plate, emotionally.

Don't keep the puppy because you would feel guilty hurting your sister's feelings . You didn't choose the puppy. You don't want it. It's a huge commitment.

Best of luck in YOUR decision....try not to let your family interfere.