a hair-raising tale

[godfreyc]

OK, I'm gonna come at this from a different perspective. I've been a stepchild. For all I hear from all the stepparents in the world about their horrible stepchildren, let me tell ya, it's no picnic to be the reminder that your parent had a life before new daddy came on the scene. If everyone thinks it's hard to deal with their stepkids, it's no picnic dealing with stepparents either. That being said 8 is 8. This is really a simple situation. IMHO not letting her play with the dogs at all isn't going to help. Supervised play only is in order and when their are no adults around the dogs are either crated or let outside. I practice this with my BIOLOGICAL ;) daughter and she's been around rotties her whole life.

[Wookie'sMom]

I was going to post this earlier but then decided I didn't want to start a fight...

I have never been a parent, but it wasn't all that terribly long ago that I was 8. 8 year-olds understand a whole lot more than most adults think they do. My 7 year old niece is constantly amazing us with what she understands about what is going on around her. 8 is definitly old enough to be held responsible for following some rules. If she "can't" follow some simple rules, it isn't because she doesn't understand, but because she thinks "no one will find out." If she likes to play with the dogs, I would think she would be willing to follow some simple rules in order to earn the priveledge of playing with them. Kids are like dogs, they will try to get away with whatever you let them get away with. Testing, testing...

Sorry, but one of my pet peeves is the "they're just a kid" mentality.

[Burnsway]

Originally posted by Wookie'sMom

Sorry, but one of my pet peeves is the "they're just a kid" mentality.

I don't like that way of thinking either but in this situation her age, disobedience and understandability isn't the case. No One saw what happened till she was already on the floor getting humped on. By a dog that has already shown his dominant side many times in a very short time.

I'm a full grown women and if a 100 pound plus dog I didn't know or have control over got up on me and started humping I would fall too. This dog has only been in the home a short while and he shouldn't have free range to follow an 8 year old into the kitchen. Dogs know the kitchen is where the food is and this dog has already shown dominance over food.

He shouldn't have unsupervised time anywhere yet (In my opinion...:D).....period!

[Wookie'sMom]

Originally posted by Ocean
He had gone into the kitchen to get coffee and found his daughter crawling around the floor with Blaze humping her, giggling at his frenzy. She had thought her dad was outside and wouldn't find out.

This is what makes me think that the situation was instigated by the child not the dog. It may just be the wording, but the way it's stated makes me think that: a) she started this (crawling around on the floor), b) she thought it was fun and funny (giggling at his frenzy), c) she knew she was doing something wrong (had thought her dad was outside and wouldn't find out).

[Burnsway]

Thats because she is assuming due to the childs past dissobedience which is another whole issue. The issue here is why is a new rescue, unfixed, with dominance problems being allowed to roam unsupervised?

[Judy Chrusch]

Yes she is old enough to obey rules etc. but the bottom line is she's showing signs of jealousy and attention and will get it anyway she can. In most cases when a child acts out it's for a reason sometimes they don't even know and they will do bad things just to get attention. Of course she's old enough to listen and know rules and lets face it if she does something she knows she shouldn't she'll get attention one way or another.


Ocean, you'll do just fine and I promise you if you take a different look at things with your stepdaughter she will listen and abide by the rules. Make her feel important and make her as much a part of his life as you can, doing simple little things and then praise, praise goes along way. I successfully raised 2 kids, I can tell you they too did things to get attention, any kind of attention.

Children don't require much as far as making them feel good and the simplist thing can make a difference. Ocean, you have a tough role being the stepmom and I'm sure you're doing a very good job at it. Relax, don't be so hard on your stepdaughter or yourself and don't forget that hug to your stepdaughter and a few simple words such as, I love you, will bring a huge smile to her face.

My very best to you and yours, everything will work out just fine, I know!

Judy

[Ocean]

No, you got it right, Wookie's Mom - the dogs are kept in a gated area, in or out, to keep the kids safe from them and them safe from temptation! I fear that the unsupervised one was not the 1 year old or the 7 year old, but the 8 year old! One of the rules was not to play with Blaze alone (i.e. enter the gated area without an adult) and that is what happened.

It is hard being ANY kind of parent (I have an 11 year old son as well who is not very interested in the dogs at all). There are always issues, and just like the parent who will scream at their child for jaywalking and nearly being hit by a car, our anger was similar ("YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HURT!").

So my husband has gone over the rules again, and I think he has added a few dire threats of his own concerning the consequences if she sneaks into their gated yard or goes behind his back again. I know that she knows what she did and she HATES to have her daddy or me mad at her; I hope this will be the end of it. If there were an incident, I don't think ANYONE would sanction us keeping Blaze and I don't want that to happen!!

[Judi W]

If the concensus seems to be that the dog was showing dominance - then one cannot place blame on the child. No young child could or should be expected to sucessfully turn around a dominance challenge from a large dog.

All of that academia aside, the question of should the dog have been reprimanded. Yes of course he should have. Although he might go through the actions of an abused, he certainly is aware of his own actions and attitudes and not to inform him when he is wrong is to lie to him about the rules of the road. That can lead him to serious transgressions later on. Please also keep in mind that all that cringing while initially caused by - you-don't-know - can and does quickly become manipulative. An instant method of stopping any demands upon himself. Reprimands and/or corrections need to be appropriate to the dog, however not to give him a serious sounding "no" is to mislead him as to what is expected of him.