parent, guardian, boss: all or one to your dog?

[mmgy]

Two behavior threads going on right now (bite and going limp) have touched on the human role in the dog's development.

I've always thought it was my job to be all of these things to my dogs. The trick is balance, just like being the mom of the household (even with no kids). But sometimes when I read some of these posts I feel like some of the writers are missing that point....that we must define ourselves as one or the other.

Am I wrong? Am I supposed to pick one of the above, and excel at it? Or am I supposed to be the boss when we're walking down the street, and the guardian that picks out the food and bedding, and the parent that cuddles, hugs, and scratches every night before bed?

I can accept different roles at different times, but I don't think I'm ready to give any up.

[Miabella]

I guess my dog ownership style is similar to my mother's parenting style. Fun to be around, would do anything for you, taught you lots of neat things, but would not tolerate bad behavior at all. Her word was law, but punishments were always fair and well deserved. I think if I ever become a mother, I will try to emulate her.

[Rottlva]

ANthropomorphism: attribution of human motivation, charachteristics, or behavior to inanimate objects, animals or natural phenomena (WEBSTER's DICTIONARY)

I think yes, there is a healthy balance, but I often think people take one role and swing in unhealthy directions. Given human privledges: sleeping on the bed, allowing on furniture, feeding from the table all can create a large problem. An extremelly confident dog, or a very unsure who doesn't understand who his leader is.

I too love my dogs, but I respect the fact that they are living creatures whose needs are differnt then mine as a human. Giving them everything I would want would make them unhappy.

SO, I am with you.... I am parent, guardian, teacher, boss, friend, master.... I wear differnent hats as is needed.

[chivas]

I most definitly say I am my dogs' 'mom' and with being a 'mom' naturally comes protector, teacher, boss, etc.
Chivas even knew when my husband said 'Mommie home'?, she would run to me!

[Beckysmom]

Or:

benevolent leader

partner in the dance

training: fair, firm, consistent, and fun!

[samanthac]

I love my dogs, don't get me wrong. But I have one role and one role only in my dogs mind...I am the alpha bitch plain and simple.

I try to structure my household like a pack structure. Me and DH first, anyone who comes into our home next, and then dogs. As long as there is no aggression, I let them work the pack order between themselves out. My dogs are well loved and well cared for and valuable members of my household, but I do not treat them like humans in fur suits. Like in nature if my dogs respond to commands, cues and pack rules accordingly then they are rewarded accordingly. If they disobey or step out of line, they are disciplined accordingly.

[SABELLESMOM]

The last description: Being the alphs bitch plain and simple, quite possibly comes closest to how I view my role, too.

We all provide food, bedding, water, leashes, collars, vet visits, etc. I do not necessarily consider it part of parenting. It's simply something I do, without needing any kind of halo or name for it.

My dogs, for all their intellegence and love and companionship and loyalty, etc. do not magically become human. They are dogs. I love them for what they are. And they are as dear to me as dogs are to those of you who feel protective and like parents, somehow. I simply choose not to view it as that.

I am responsible for their well being, health, training, exercise, fitness, grooming, and behavior. But I'm still the alpha.

[Carina43]

Alpha bitch - though, to cover the other aspects (care, feeding, affection, working relationship etc) I like the term "BENEVOLENT DICTATOR."
I actually have a couple of pewter pins that read "alpha bitch" - I sure get lots of comments when I wear one! :D

[mmgy]

I think what I'm missing when I think of alpha bitch is the emotional side of the relationship. Nothing personal, samantha and sabellesmom, but where does that play into it?

I really only feel like a parent with the dogs I've raised from puppyhood. With the adult rescues, the emotional part is more of a friendship.

[Rott-Wiley]

I gotta say, I'm the dad. I do the feeding, training, potty, I'm the one that takes her to the vet and I try to be consistant and fair with her in every thing we do. But it's my way or no way at all and she knows that right from day one. My wife says she can't figure out who loves the other more, me or the dog? LOL

[SABELLESMOM]

Oh, you've got me wrong, there. I am VERY passionate AND emotional about my dogs. I simply do not need to name it, nor do I need a halo.

My dogs, especially Sable, touches me in areas of my soul no other has reached. But I'd rather say it that way than call it parenting.

[LORHEL]

I feel like I play the role of friend/companion, mother, leader all into one, but I agree with the others, there is no question she is a dog, and will never be put above anyone in the household.

(Although we have no kids) its Me and Hubby first, and her second. However, as such, she is a dog, and I try to respect her as far as leaving her eat in peace, providing a quiet place when she just wants to chill out and be by herself...(usually when she is tired)...

I also work with her daily on obedience, and even though it may seem routine, it shows her, I am the boss, and she will listen.
Those girls tend to be a bit pushy sometimes... or at least they TRY...;)

[MontanaRott]

Originally posted by Beckysmom
Or:

benevolent leader

partner in the dance

training: fair, firm, consistent, and fun!

I like this. We are firm and fair and consistent with Guerin and respect his heritage. We instill in him that we rule the house. But have fun with him, we are not afraid of him, nor he of us, he knows if he makes a mistake we are there to teach. But with the puglets it is another story, they were bred to be companions pure and simple. So they are picked up and loved on, kissed and fawned over, they sleep on the bed and are usually in our laps. Guerin is not allowed on the furniture and is treated with the dignity and respect a working dog deserves. BUT we are guilty I must admit of having picked him up when he was a baby and covering his baby face with kisses, one of those pics was posted in my album.:o
We would not do that now of course, he is too big, but he is well loved and knows his place in the order of things. He is a great boy for one so young, and I believe with our help he will be a great adult dog. But it is WORK!

[Beckysmom]

I'm missing something else with the "alpha" idea, as cute as the pin and all sound.

Maybe it is that it means pretending at some level to be a dog, trying to make oneself fit a human construct of what the top ranking dog is all about--which may or may not be understood correctly. Same as dog is not a furry person, I am not a furless dog.

At same time some of the "alpha-betize yourself" and NILIF ideas leave me shaking my head. Not that I don't recommend and even practice some Nilif. Because, in some ways, yes those things help... When not taken to absurdity and such great rigidity that it is ridiculous. But...there is also something phony about it. It can be--and I don't necessarily mean that it always is, or to denigrate anyone who just declared their fundamental approach to be maintaining alpha status--but it can be a pseudo leadership system and not a real bond of appropriate mutual respect necessarily. And I do believe, especially with a dog of dignity like a rottweiler that the respect needs to be mutual. Perhaps it is in some sense that the human being as "alpha" idea is like a paint by numbers replica of a true masterpiece. It is not quite the real thing.

There is the drill sargeant who has the cooperation of his / her troops because they must obey if they do not want to be deprived of shore leave or be put on KP. And then there is the leader who has won over the respect and trust of the troops, where she or he would be followed even into extremity and even with no threat of loss of shore leave or KP duty, or even court martial. Where the troops follow not because the leader wears the stripes, or shouts insults, or knows some tricks, but because she or he exhibits a personal Quality, that special je ne sais quoi, which wins willing allegiance. Most of us have run into at least one teacher somewhere along the way who had such a Quality. It made that teacher's class a pleasure, and the subject fascinating even if in other hands it may have been dull and boring. It made learning fun, and not a tedious chore.

It may likely but not necessarily include integrity, fairness, conviction, courage, justice, kindness, respect, patience, and other qualities within the Quality, and yet the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Nor is the Quality the same for each person who has it, it must by its nature be individual just as an artwork to be great must be individual. It may be that thing of which one says I cannot describe or name it, but I know it when I see it, feel it, experience it. The dog knows it too. It is harder to fool a dog than a person.

My trainer, I think has the Quality to an extraordinary degree, not as a pseudo-top dog in a pseudo-dog pack, but as a respected human handler. And every dog I see with him seems to know within seconds that he has the Quality. It takes no NILIF, no discipline. It seems to be exuded in the air he breathes, voice, look, posture, a touch however gentle.

[rotts and roses]

It may likely but not necessarily include integrity, fairness, conviction, courage, justice, kindness, respect, patience, and other qualities within the Quality, .

Wow Becky's Mom , how perfectly, eloquently stated .. what an amazing well written post.*VBS* :D :D :D :D