Bonding

[roadweed]

I know a lot of people on this forum have lost much loved dogs, and have rescued new ones; I wanted to know how you have bonded with these dogs. How long has it taken you to bond, or have you, and if you have to what level? I am very grateful to have Gretchen, she is really an exceptional, sweet girl, and I am very committed to her, I spend a lot of time with her, but I just haven't bonded with her, not anywhere near like I did with Kaptain. Whereas he was like my child to me and was pretty much my world, Gretchen is still just a dog, a welcome distraction. I feel guilty even saying that; I suppose it may come with time? I just wanted to hear some of your experiences.

[Judi W]

Bonding takes place over time. One of my early mentors said that some breeds and the Rottweiler is one of them, do not bond properly without work. It is where the dog and owner learn to admire each other, to understand each other and become partners with the owner as leader. I believe that.

Each dog is different, but the more you do together, the more you discover those unique characteristics that lead to the bonding.

[Nina&Bill]

Yarrow,

It's funny but I was thinking about the same thing this morning, wondering if maybe it was the first rottie that was so special? I feel the same about Amber as you do about Gretchen, she's sweet, smart & goofy. She makes me smile but there's always a pang along with it. Smidgen is still the dog that I long for, the belly that I want to rub & the smile that I want to come home to.
As no two dogs are the same no dog can replace another. And Judi has a valid point about working together helping the bonding process, although working together takes time too...helping to lead to the bonding:).

I can't answer your question now, just say that I know exactly how you feel. I'll get back to you if I ever do have an answer & you do the same :).

Nina

[laurlitt]

I recently got a female puppy. Up until then Blaise was my #1 boy and my 'best friend' and he still is. Maddie was the new puppy around the house who did get a lot of needed attention and of course I thought (and still do) that she was completely perfect and all that I was looking for in a puppy... But still... not that magic bond... Well about a month after she came into my life I found myself having to save hers. She choked on an object (still not sure what) and was laying lifeless in my arms as my husband drove us off to the ER vet... I did chest compressions on her and saved her life. She spent 2 days at the vet to recover and when she came home it was quite obvious that the bond we had became quite magical. She will always be my very special girl and I love her dearly.

Folks, if you are looking for that special bond... don't try what I did!!!! :)

[moondog]

Do you think that a lingering loyalty to a much loved dog may have something to do with it? Not that there shouldn't be one, but a special place needs to be found to tuck it away where it can be visited, and then it doesn't get mixed up with life in the here and now. It's so natural to look for those little things familiar to us that we loved so much about a special dog, the things that made the bond. With a new relationship come different little things equally capable of making a bond, but it can take a while before we recognize them, let them in, and develop a fondness for them.

I, too, believe that to develop a bond, life has to be experienced through activities done together. With a new dog coming in on the heels of another that was cherished, maybe it is our personal challenge to see them in their own right and try not to make comparisons that tempt us to wish for days gone by, still so fresh in our minds.

Easier said than done. I have no doubt this is something I'll have to remind myself of when the times comes. :)

[mmgy]

Re rescues: There will always be a dog out there that needs you more than you need them.

My "bestest" dog died Nov. 7, 1999. I didn't feel that feeling again for a year. I had dogs the whole time, but I just didn't think one would touch me that way again, until the brittany puppies ran out in front of my car. One was the runt, and he needed me, and now he's my baby. But the relationship is completely different. He will never take the old dog's place, but there's room for all in dog heaven!

What makes her special will show up in due time.

M2

[RottiMomCT]

Ben and I bonded the day I adopted him.

I knew he was 100% mine the day I had to leave him at the ER Vet to have XRays after jumping 10 feet off my porch...I came home to an empty house, crate still set up, and realized how much better life was with Ben in it...some April Fools Day that turned out to be!

Groggy from sedation, he came home 3 hours later and slept on the bed with us....we all slept late the following morning.

Every morning when we wake up, I get a cold nose in the face as an extra wake up call ;) !!!!

Every night when we go to bed - I tell Ben "Go give Daddy kisses" and he walks over to hubby, sits down and waits for hubby to lean over so he can kiss him goodnight, and I would not change it for a thing...

When Ben crosses the bridge, there will be more dogs, but nobody will ever replace my Ben, or fill the void he has...

[roadweed]

Thankyou everyone for your responses and support. I do agree with you Anne, that our lives are better with them than without!

[tazdevl6]

Chief is my first rottie and the first dog I've had that was MINE..(i had dogs growing up..but it wasn't the same)...I don't even want to think about not having him around..he's only 9 months old...but he is my "child"....I talk to him...we cuddle...and he just loves his mom.he can't wait for Dad to go to work in the A.M. so he can get up on the bed with mom for the extra 2 hrs until I have to go to work...my boyfriend says there's not enough Paxil on this earth to deal with me if anything ever happens to my boy..(of course Scott and Chief tend to have jealousy issues when it comes to me too..lol).I would hope that God forbid, anything ever does happen to him, that I am able to bond with another dog..but i doubt ANY animal would ever replace Chief.....geesh..I'm getting all choked up just writing this......
Nikki in N.Y.

[ptremaine]

Originally posted by roadweed
I know a lot of people on this forum have lost much loved dogs, and have rescued new ones; I wanted to know how you have bonded with these dogs. How long has it taken you to bond, or have you, and if you have to what level? I am very grateful to have Gretchen, she is really an exceptional, sweet girl, and I am very committed to her, I spend a lot of time with her, but I just haven't bonded with her, not anywhere near like I did with Kaptain. Whereas he was like my child to me and was pretty much my world, Gretchen is still just a dog, a welcome distraction. I feel guilty even saying that; I suppose it may come with time? I just wanted to hear some of your experiences.

My two cents: I noticed that some people have acquired a new rescue dog, usually an adult, rather quickly after their beloved dog passed away.

From my personal experience: it took me 5 long years to get over my beloved dog's death, I was very grief stricken for years. Sounds sappy, but it's true. I **liked** other dogs, but no dog became a special dog for me. Then, one day, I had this overwhelming desire to get a new dog. Not necessarily a puppy again [my beloved Zephyr came to us as a puppy] but a dog who I could feel the "click" with on meeting. I believe in "love at first sight" and I was ready to love again.

Sometimes, we think that if we get another dog or cat quickly, it will fill the void of a most beloved companion. Maybe for some that's true. Not for me. I had to "feel" it was right inside, to accept that Zephyr was really gone and not coming back. It took a while but it happened.

Walking into a shelter, to see another dog I'd been told about, I realized that dog wasn't The One. I'm a one dog kinda woman I guess. :)

So as I was walking down the long row of cages, filled with hopeful eyes and wagging tails, I feel the need to look into this run and who should I spy but my Girl! It was love at first sight. There were two dogs in the run, littermates, both gorgeous Rotties, and we met both, but the one who I spotted first, who took the little treat from my hand so gently, she was The One for me. I knew it instantly.

She was my buddy from the first day we took her home. She was very very sick and I nursed her and by the 2nd night, she was in our bedroom, at the foot of our bed, worming her way right into my heart. I don't know if it's because she was so sick and I was the one who nursed her back to health, but she and I had a bond within 3 days, probably sooner. My hubby and son were all like 'she might chew our scalps off', as she was an 18 month old, and unknown to us. But I knew. I knew she'd never do that and that she and I were a pair. Bonding never entered my mind consciously, I took it for granted with this girl. And I was right.

PT

:D

[brunie's mom]

I guess If follow the line of thinking that the "best" dog is the dog or dogs that you have right now.

My first foster that I did for our rescue group, was so clingy and I just could not bond with her... I kept asking if anyone was interested in her. I could not wait for her to be adopted.
Well... I had her one month, two months and then by the third month something happened.... I fell in love with her.
Sometimes it just takes time to bond.... the dog must settle in and so do you with a new dog.

Right now I have three Rottweilers... one from a breeder and the other two rescues.... I love all of them equaly.
They are the "best" dogs that I have ever had the pleasure of loving.:) that is because they are with me now. I have had many dogs in almost 30 years.... and they were all the best.:D

Gina

[KRISSIE]

I think it's hard to say how long it takes to bond with a dog, each dog has it's own personality and you love them each for who they are. Over the years I've had a few dogs , I loved them all...but each one was unique in their own way. My first dog Rex and I were so close, I couldn't imagine ever having that bond with another dog, he was this big cuddly mush. Then when I got Brandi, I fell head over heels for her, she is not the mush that Rex was but she is just so smart I am amazed at some of the things she does...I love that about her. Now in addition to Brandi I also have Maximus ( the most recent member of my family) and as he matures we become closer all the time. All in all, I have to say I love all of them the same .
I really feel lucky and grateful that I have had the privliage of sharing my life with such wonderful friends...:D

[LynnS]

When I lost Misha, my 14 year old Akita this June I felt the most acute sense of loss I have ever known. She truly taught me how to open my heart and love another being. I can not think about her without tears filling my eyes and that prob won't change for a while. But i also knew I wanted another dog in our lives within a few weeks of her passing. When we brought little 8 week old Bella home she was adorable but it was not love at first sight. I felt the need to take care of her but it was entirely different. It took time for me to know her and love her. She is completely different than Misha, for which I am glad becasue as so many have mentioned, the bond you have with each animal is unique. I never regreted for a second getting bella as soon as we did. It does not however mean I no longer grieve about losing Misha....