Children and Rotties.

[deek72]

Hi everyone. This is my first post and I'm looking for some advice please.

I have always liked dogs but have never really been a regular owner. I have been looking to take one on recently. I have been to the local rescue centre several times over the last few weeks looking to foster one with a view to adopting. The first time I visited I met a female Rottie, about 4 years old. I immediately noticed how calm and gentle she seemed compared to the other dogs there. Whilst all the other dogs were barking and jumping, she would just stand and look around as if wondering what all the fuss was about. I fell for her straight away, although I didn't really consider taking her, mainly because of being aware of other peoples reactions, namely my wife and son and daughter-in-law.
I visited 2 or 3 more times during the next 2 weeks. Each time she was still there and I found myself becoming more attached. I was urging myself not to do anything rash but on my last visit I became fearful of someone else nipping in and taking her from under my nose, so I took the bull by the horns and took her on a 2 week foster there and then.
We immediately seemed to hit it off. She kept on coming to me and loved being fussed and petted. My wife was at work so I sent her a text message to tell her. After her initial shock of learning there was a Rottie at home she seemed to come around a little, asking what we were going to do with her when we went on holiday etc so I knew she would be ok. My wife is a real softie and I just knew that when she met 'Millie' (thats what I called her as she had no name) she would melt like I had. Sure enough, within a few minutes of her getting home from work, after a little initial trepidation, she was calling to her, Millie! Millie! and fussing her and stuff. Great I thought, thats the first hurdle passed.
The rest of the first day was spent getting to know her. I took her for walks, during which she did pull a little but only to sniff, never towards any other dog or person. she would stop when told and sit when told. It appeared to me that she must have been trained in a previus relationship. She was as good as gold. When we went to bed on the first night we left her in the kitchen with a few folded blankets to sleep on. We never heard a peep from her all night. No crying, no scratching, no barking, nothing. Next morning I got up and peeped in the kitchen half expecting so see mayhem. Nothing. Nothing chewed or scratched, not even a hint of 'dirties'. I was so pleased.

Now this is the point where I fear some of you may think I have been thoughtless, even stupid. You see we have a 2 year old granddaughter whom we both love dearly. She regularly stays over with us for one or two nights. I had thought long and hard about the implications of having a Rottweiler and young baby in the same house. Of course I had seen the 'Devil Dog' articles about the mauling of young babies etc by Rotties, but I thought I had thought it through and I said to myself that if I was responsible about it, which I am, then I could make it work. I had ordered a muzzle for Millie and had said to my wife that however soft and well behaved Millie appeared to be, Millie and Jasmine would never be together without Mille being muzzled. It just would not happen. Really.
When we called our son to tell him we had a new family member, his immediate reaction was to state that Jasmine would never again be allowed at our house as long as the dog was there. He said he was uncomfortable but his wife would NEVER agree to it. I spoke to his wife and tried to put my case forward, assuring her that I would never ever put baby at risk, Millie would always be muzzled etc etc but to no avail. She would not even listen to me. all I could get out of her was 'devil dog/lock jaws/won't have baby near ANY dog/ any dog can turn (she seemed to momentarily forget that her parents have a medium sized cross breed dog who Jasmine is regularly around!). I left it there and tried again to persuade her the next day, but still no way she would listen.
Reluctantly, the next day I said to my wife that she may as well take Millie back as it was obvious that D-I-L was not going to budge, and if it came down to having Millie or Jasmine, then the winner was obvious.
It is now 2 days since Millie went back and I can't stop thinking about how happy Millie was and she's now back in the home. I am soooo tempted to go back and get her and hope that D-I-L will relent after a while.
Am I wrong to believe that I could absolutely protect Jasmine from any potential danger? I know that a parent obviously has the decisions to make, but am I wrong to think that she is being hypocritical about Millie when baby is frequently around her parents dog? I tried to convince her that a muzzled Rottweiler is safer that an un-muzzled smaller dog. am I right? I tried pointing out the dangers of taking Jasmine to the park where lots of dogs run loose, but nothing makes any difference. I wonder if we got Millie back, whether D-I-L would relent when she realised that her regular baby-sitters had a large Rottie?

HELP!! What should I do?

Sorry if I've bored you, but thanks to those of you who managed to get to the end and thanks for any advice.


Derek.

[jodylp1]

Wow, major drama. & to some extent we went thru something similar with ours. There was and still is alot of resistance to Atreyu in my family. He remains a devil dog, even tho he was only inappropriate once. And that was really my brothers fault for not controlling his son.
Some people you're never going to win over. Even if nothing ever happens, your' Millie will always be a trap waiting to close. At the same time when your DIL, feels comfortable threatening to remove your time with your grandaughter, over a dog she has never met and uses flawed logic as her defense. Well that doesn't bode well for all kinds of things.
Discuss what would make your DIL more comfortable, an outside comfortable kennel for Millie when Jasmine is present might be an acceptable option. My only concern is that some dogs will not take to muzzles. You can't straight out assume that this is a for sure option.
I am also partial to the dog side, I can't stand to see good animals in shelters, and often feel it is my duty to educate the world as to how great they really are. I wish you success with this difficult debacle.

[tla0126]

Maybe consider crating Millie while your grandaughter is there... Invite your daughter in law to come watch while you take Millie to Obedience school... There are quite a few options that should leave your daughter in law perfectly comfortable. It's unfortunate that irrational people dictate whether we can own a dog or not. Millie seems wonderful and it would be sad if she didn't make it to a forever home. Hopefully you can work something out...

[Nishasmom]

I hope you figure something out...it sounds as if Millie was meant for you. I agree with Terri, crate her while Jasmine is over. No chance of anything going wrong when the dog is locked up.

[webangel2b]

I'm so sorry!

I understand being a parent and concern for your child. However, I think it's very close minded of her. I mean by your post, she never even came over to meet the dog and get a feel for her.

So sad and wrong that this happens. Millie was meant for you, too bad your DIL seems unsupportive of any preventative measures you want to consider.

[AngelBunny]

Shame on your children for emotionally blackmailing you! That is unconscionable.

Did the rescue group know anything about Millie's background? For some of the dogs in our rescue program we know a great deal because the owner filled out a form before leaving the dog in the shelter. If Millie's been around children, it makes your DIL's position less strong.

I would suggest crating Millie before muzzling her.

If you and your wife want Millie, I think you should adopt her and not let your DIL bully or threaten you. Prove them wrong by taking Millie to class, crate training her, keeping her leashed when you're out in public, and being a responsible dog owner.

[Cdn1050]

I'm sorry about the situation you were placed in, but as another poster stated. I would crate Millie before I would muzzle her. Talk to your DIL about coming over by herself to meet Millie. Keep Millie on leash beside you in the house. Hand your DIL some treats so that Millie can approach her, and your DIL can pet her. Maybe in time your DIL will see how silly she was being.

[fostermom]

I foster rotts and all of them have adopted to homes with children...in fact having children was a huge plus in deciding which family my last foster would go to as he really loves kids..every evening I get an email about Rock going to the kids' softball games and how all the kids love him..and Millie sounds like a doll. Maybe I should post emails from my families about how much they love their dogs!!!!
Dunno...maybe I'm just old and cranky...but I would NOT let my kids dictate to me..I agree with everyone else...I'd tell them they are always welcome to come over and meet Millie...that you are even willing to crate her or kennel her if that would make them more comfortable...but they are completely wrong about her temperment and if THEY loved you, they'd at LEAST agree to come meet her. Depending on how often you see your granddaughter, you could even board her on those days if they want to be absolutely unreasonable about his...but in my mind, catering to someone who is behaving unreasonably isn't an option.

[sweetlee]

Totally understand the ignorance of some people. If you read my post "wish they would give him a chance" you will know that I am dealing with some of the same.
I agree, have the DIL meet Millie, alone. Go to Utube and search rottweiler baby. There are lots of videos of rotties and children together.
Bookmark them and show her them.
I swear my boy is the best dog around kids. He seems to recognize the size and maturity of the kids. He will run happily with the 6 year olds, but when he gets near the 2 year old or the infants he will actually get down and crawl to them. The preteens, he acts like he does around us, always bringing his ball for a toss or laying his head in their lap.
Not to say that all rotties are wonderful with kids, I am sure this isn't true. Since you don't know if she was raised around them, it's hard telling. But still these guys are so gentle, I think most would realize the vulnerability of a small child and be careful around them.
I find that most dogs are instinctively protective of children and babies.

Sharon

[deek72]

Thanks you all for reading and for all your support. I feel a little relieved to read your responses as I was beginning to think that maybe I was being selfish.
The crate idea is a good one, and one that I hadn't considered. Unfortunately I don't think it will make any difference. I seem to be banging my head against a brick wall. I have again contacted them with the crate suggestion to be told point blank that it makes no difference. Their decision is final. I asked them to please just explain how a caged dog could possibly do any harm to anyone. I have had no answer, other than to be told that D-I-L's Mum, Dad and Gran all think the same, that it is too dangerous.
She just will not listen to anything I say. I am so frustrated. I really feel like just going and getting Millie back, and then leave it up to them what they do, after all, we can always see Jasmine at her home. But that wouldn't be fair to my wife or me as we both love having her with us.
I am really torn. I mean the longer the current impasse goes on, the more time there is for some other lucky person to come along and snatch Millie from under our noses.
I really don't know. Time for some serious thinking I think.

Thanks again for your support.

[Moosemom]

Please don't sacrifice the love for a rottie for a family member who is not even willing to try to see your side of the story. From what I've seen myself, Rotties equal children: they are almost natural babysitters and really seem to sense that kids need them! Their size could be an issue but it sounds as if your dog's sensitivity and sweetness will far outweigh anything negative. Go back and get her!

[Denise L.]

At times like these we find out what is truly in people's hearts.

I totally understand your concern about seeing your grandchild and I think what your DIL is doing to you is incredibly mean and heartless.

Personally, I would go back and get the dog. See your grandchild at their house.

Nobody, but nobody can hold me hostage like that.

And see your precious grandchild often...obviously she needs a compassionate influence in her life.

Edit to add: My tenants' daughter has played with my Cyrus since she was 18 months old (she is 3 now). We always supervise of course but never, ever did I consider muzzling him and neither did her parents. he has never been anything but sweet and adorable with her.

[AngelBunny]

I'm sorry your DIL is such a selfish woman. The situation appears to be about her and what she wants. Apparently, she has little regard or concern for the happiness and wants of her inlaws. The least she could do is tell you she's concerned--then behave as an intelligent adult by doing research to find out if her concerns are legitimate or ephemera.

What kind of a role model is she providing to her child with her knee jerk, hysterical reaction and her unwillingness to budge from her frenzy? Sure, she has the right to be concerned--we are often taken aback by what we don't know and understand--but her refusal to budge from this state and exercise her intelligence and critical thinking capability is disheartening.

[QuietDaze]

I don't have any children so I can't really relate on that level. But as someone's child I can tell you that if I tried a stunt like that with my parents my brother and cousin's would be knocking on my front door to kick my behind.

So assuming that your son was raised right and actually does know better, is there some reason that your DIL is unwilling to even listen to the precautions you are willing to make? Is there something that happened in the past between you that makes your son and DIL feel like you are irresponsible and careless with their child's safety and wellbeing?

In general, I do not believe that anyone should choose an animal over a family member. However, in this case, the family member is being unreasonable. If there was some horrible tragic event that took place in your DIL's life with a Rottweiler then I would have a different opinion. But if it's just prejudice and misinformation then I wouldn't let someone else, family or not, dictate what I do within my home.

Also, if you decide to go back and get Millie give her a couple of weeks to adjust to your home and then once she's secure you'll see the 'real' Millie. It could be that what you see is what you get but understand that she may not be as perfect 2 weeks from now as she was after spending one day in your home. I don't say that to say she's going to turn into an aggressive dog but she may need some work, classes, etc. Also, if you decide to go with muzzling, keep in mind that you shouldn't leave a dog in a muzzle for 2 days so a crate will come in handy. IF you go back and get her you may want to invest in a crate anyway until you know for sure that she's completely house trained and not destructive.

[Sheenagirl]

If it were me - I would be heading back to get Millie.
Your DIL will come around when she needs you to babysit!
Our Sheena was never around any children until she was around 5 years old when my 1st grandchild was born.
I always kept an eye on Sheena when the baby was over my house.
You know one day my granddaughter was over (she was a toddler at the time) - we were all in the living room and granddaughter just walked over to Sheena, balled up her fist, and hit Sheena right upside the head as hard as she could! Sheena just looked at me (like what did I do?) and turned and walked away! This is what a Rottie should do.
Sheena got praised for her good behavior and granddaughter got a good scolding!
Be sure to teach the kids to be respectable of all animals.
Our other Rottie Cheyenne was not around children either until she was older and she was a gem with the grandkids - a perfect lady!
So follow your heart!