Children and Rotties.

[deek72]

I'm afraid it's all over. I have just got back from the dogs home and Millie is gone. She was adopted out yesterday. I just went to check she was still there before we finally decided what to do. I just hope she has gone to a good home. The staff asked if I was interested in another one but at the moment I'm so disappointed that I think I'll wait a while before I look any more. I don't know how long it will be before the resentment I feel inside towards DIL subsides. I suppose I will have to try to hide it for Jasmines sake but it won't be easy. I feel a little silly for being upset over a dog I only knew for a day but I just feel that she was the one.
I have left my contact details just in case Millie were to come back but I can only hope.
Still, life goes on I suppose.
I'd just like to thank you ALL for your kind words of support and say what a nice lot you Rottie owners are!

Derek.

[KatarinasMom]

My situation was the reverse of yours..... I am the DIL and my in-laws threatened to NEVER come to my house again if we got a rottie (I think they thought that was a threat ). Well, guess what, we got her anyway Baby was 2 years old and had been picked up as a stray and was being fostered by a vet tech at the vet's office where we had been taking our min pin. She was absolutely the best dog we have ever owned. My children were 3 y.o. and 9 y.o. at the time, and Baby was always amazing with them. My in-laws eventually gave in and Baby completely won them over.......to the point where they would often ask if they could have her and we could just go get another one We had the joy of living with Baby for 8 wonderful years before we had to have her PTS. She truly is the reason I am a rottie lover and I have never once regretted our decision to adopt her. I can't imagine not having a rottie in my life. I even have a sign hanging in my house that says "A house is not a home without a rottie in it"

I guess what I am trying to say is do what feels right in your heart.....the rest will work itself out eventually

[SABELLESMOM]

Obviously one would choose a grandchild over a dog...but, I must say, your son and DIL are out of line with deciding what you will or not have in your own home! You've found a lovely dog whom you can give a wonderful life. You deserve that joy.

I would have kept the dog stating, "It is my home. We are adults and we enjoy/love this dog. It is inappropriate and lacking in respect for us for you to dictate to your parents."

Then, "I have told you I will make arrangements for Jasmine's safety. You need to trust me in that. Have either of us ever been lax in her care before? Have we shown ourselves to be careless or horrible grandparents?"

"Then trust us to put _____ in a crate when Jasmine visits, for goodness sakes. We've worked hard to establish and keep a healthy relationship with all of you, particularly Jasmine! It's a shame you need to resort to blackmail and pushiness. Allow us to lead our own lives. We won't interfere with yours."

There will be MANY times as they raise their daughter where they not have absolute control over. MacDonald's will stick fries in her Happymeal instead of apple dippers. She will skin her knee on the playground. She will become a teenager. YIKES! She'll even have a boyfriend one day they won't like.

Life with a child, is a process of providing security, protection, and love. Yet as the child grows, the balance of control shifts. You can't raise them in a bubble. They have to be prepared thinkers, capable of making good decisions, and working hard, to be contributing members of society.

I would be quite offended if my daughter or step son ever spoke to me in such a manner. We love and respect each other. It is evidenced, at least in our family by not stepping over certain lines.

[SABELLESMOM]

Obviously, one would choose a grandchild over a dog...but, I must say, your son and DIL are out of line with deciding what you will or not have in your own home! You've found a lovely dog whom you can give a wonderful life. You deserve that joy.

I would have kept the dog stating, "It is my home. We are adults and we enjoy/love this dog. It is inappropriate and lacking in respect for us for you to dictate to your parents."

Then, "I have told you I will make arrangements for Jasmine's safety. You need to trust me in that. Have either of us ever been lax in her care before? Have we shown ourselves to be careless or horrible grandparents?"

"Then trust us to put _____ in a crate when Jasmine visits, for goodness sakes. We've worked hard to establish and keep a healthy relationship with all of you, particularly Jasmine! It's a shame you need to resort to blackmail and pushiness. Allow us to lead our own lives. We won't interfere with yours."

There will be MANY times as they raise their daughter where they not have absolute control over. MacDonald's will stick fries in her Happymeal instead of apple dippers. She will skin her knee on the playground. She will become a teenager. YIKES! She'll even have a boyfriend one day they won't like.

Life with a child, is a process of providing security, protection, and love. Yet as the child grows, the balance of control shifts. You can't raise them in a bubble. They have to be prepared thinkers, capable of making good decisions, and working hard, to be contributing members of society.

I would be quite offended if my daughter or step son ever spoke to me in such a manner. We love and respect each other. It is evidenced, at least in our family, by not stepping over certain lines.

[QuietDaze]

Originally Posted by Weily4Life

There is no way of knowing exact history of a dog that comes from a shelter and why the dog was left at the shelter in the first place. As someone else mentioned, she may not show her true colors until she settles in to your home. Crating while the granddaughter is staying would prevent any unforeseen situations arising. But that doesn't sound like an option.

I am not telling you what to do because that is a very personal decision and one that you will have to weigh. But there is something more to think about and that is the bond with your granddaughter and whether or not you want to risk sacrificing an opportunity for a special bond.

A relationship between a grandchild and grandparent can be a very special one with very special opportunities when grandchild stays at grandparents home that would not be available when grandparent visits grandchilds house. When the grandchild stays with you there can be outings to parks, special restaurants, teaching skills or crafts and story time during the day and especially at bedtime. Different situations for bonding present themselves at your home that are not available when visiting at your son and DIL's.

I am going to backtrack a little because I agree with everything you're saying. I maintain that I do not agree with anyone choosing an animal over a human being in most cases. However, this post reminded me that this is about a child, not so much the unreasonable mother. Just the thought that the DIL took that stance pissed me off. But at the end of the day, is it worth it? I wouldn't trade those special times with my Granny for ANYTHING in the world. This is an emotional topic and at some point, you'll need to sit down and think about what is more important in your life. I still hate that the DIL put you and your wife in this position but I'm a little more sympathetic knowing that she is genuinely afraid of dogs due to something in her past. Also, she's 21 *shrug* not the most mature age. She still has some growing to do.

I think you should go back and get your girl. In the future Millie will always be there no matter what. Can the same be said for you DIL. I know this sounds harsh, but that's the way I feel.

Actually Millie won't always be there. She's already approximately 4 years old - middle aged. And after I thought about it this isn't about the DIL, it's about him and his wife's relationship with their grandchild. He has a really difficult decision to make and some of you make it sound so easy - as if being made to choose family a over dog is a no brainer.

[tla0126]

Worst case scenario, if the DIL won't budge about her feelings on the dog, why doesn't the OP just take her to doggie day camp or a kennel overnight when his granddaughter comes over?

Plus, to pass up a dog because his DIL is unreasonable for two days, it doesn't sound like her resistance will last...

It's not a no brainer, but there are SOOOOOOOOOOO many viable solutions, that it seems easier than the DIL is making it...

[stale]

Originally Posted by QuietDaze

Actually Millie won't always be there. She's already approximately 4 years old - middle aged. And after I thought about it this isn't about the DIL, it's about him and his wife's relationship with their grandchild. He has a really difficult decision to make and some of you make it sound so easy - as if being made to choose family a over dog is a no brainer.

to me it IS a no brainer. as you pointed out, millie is 4. this means she's only going to get another 5-9 years (approx) in whatever forever home she finds. if the OP can provide a forever home for her, and educate a stubborn and irrational DIL in the process, good has been done.

even if they can't sway the DIL, they can still go to visit their grandchild and son while leaving millie at home crated.

and, for an aspect that most people seem to have missed - do you truly believe that DIL's wishes will stop the son from visiting his parents? or bringing his child to visit their grandparents? i can say, in all honesty, that if my wife ever even insinuated that it wouldn't be ok for me to visit my parents because of their dogs, beloved wife would be finding herself a new place to live, in short order.

for my opinion, i'd say go get millie back from the shelter, and let some time pass. either DIL shapes up and your grandson gets to visit, or DIL shows herself as truly irrational, and you get to hold the moral high ground when you go to visit with your grandchild.

but that's just me - i don't believe in catering to irrational people. ever.

[QuietDaze]

This is a truly horrible situation and I guess because the OP is new, his posts are delayed. I am so sorry to hear that you made a decision and Millie was adopted out. The bitterness towards your DIL will eventually subside. I hope it will lesson each night that your granddaughter spends the night.

Originally Posted by stale

to me it IS a no brainer. as you pointed out, millie is 4. this means she's only going to get another 5-9 years (approx) in whatever forever home she finds. if the OP can provide a forever home for her, and educate a stubborn and irrational DIL in the process, good has been done.

even if they can't sway the DIL, they can still go to visit their grandchild and son while leaving millie at home crated.

and, for an aspect that most people seem to have missed - do you truly believe that DIL's wishes will stop the son from visiting his parents? or bringing his child to visit their grandparents? i can say, in all honesty, that if my wife ever even insinuated that it wouldn't be ok for me to visit my parents because of their dogs, beloved wife would be finding herself a new place to live, in short order.

for my opinion, i'd say go get millie back from the shelter, and let some time pass. either DIL shapes up and your grandson gets to visit, or DIL shows herself as truly irrational, and you get to hold the moral high ground when you go to visit with your grandchild.

but that's just me - i don't believe in catering to irrational people. ever.

Harleychik66 said that Millie will always be there, I pointed out her age because she won't always be there. IF the DIL was serious in her threat not to allow her child to visit or even just spend the night while the dog was there are you saying that a dog who will live 5-7 more years is worth having a distant relationship with a grandchild who is only 2 years old right now? No way. It's great that he was willing to give Millie a home, but you don't know that the DIL would ever be open to the education she would have gotten. I don't know, maybe my opinion is biased because I spent lots of alone time with my Granny and I do not think that her simply visiting me at my home during my formative years would have resulted in the relationship we have now. I also think the moral highground pales in comparison to being able to tuck your grandchild in and read them a bedtime story at your own house.

I just wanted to point out that while the majority of the people posting are outraged at the DIL (myself included), we have to remember it's not about her. It's about a little girl and her grandparents so no, I don't think it shouldn't be a no-brainer to choose a dog over a person. The OP took the time to really think about it and came to a decision along with his wife on how to proceed, unfortunately by that time Millie was adopted. It's sad all the way around.

[deek72]

Originally Posted by QuietDaze

This is a truly horrible situation and I guess because the OP is new, his posts are delayed. I am so sorry to hear that you made a decision and Millie was adopted out. The bitterness towards your DIL will eventually subside. I hope it will lesson each night that your granddaughter spends the night.






Harleychik66 said that Millie will always be there, I pointed out her age because she won't always be there. IF the DIL was serious in her threat not to allow her child to visit or even just spend the night while the dog was there are you saying that a dog who will live 5-7 more years is worth having a distant relationship with a grandchild who is only 2 years old right now? No way. It's great that he was willing to give Millie a home, but you don't know that the DIL would ever be open to the education she would have gotten. I don't know, maybe my opinion is biased because I spent lots of alone time with my Granny and I do not think that her simply visiting me at my home during my formative years would have resulted in the relationship we have now. I also think the moral highground pales in comparison to being able to tuck your grandchild in and read them a bedtime story at your own house.

I just wanted to point out that while the majority of the people posting are outraged at the DIL (myself included), we have to remember it's not about her. It's about a little girl and her grandparents so no, I don't think it shouldn't be a no-brainer to choose a dog over a person. The OP took the time to really think about it and came to a decision along with his wife on how to proceed, unfortunately by that time Millie was adopted. It's sad all the way around.

You,re right abouy my posts being delayed, they all have to be approved first. And now after some consideration I do feel a little better. You're right about jasmine having to come first. I have been trying to post a picture of Jasmine to help you see why my initial reaction was to take Millie back. I don't think you can unless anyone knows different?.

Anyway I'll take stock and maybe think about taking a smaller some time in the future.
Thanks again.

[deek72]

I have managed to post a picture of Jasmine in 'Family and Friends' if anyone would like to see her.

[harleychik66]

Originally Posted by QuietDaze

Actually Millie won't always be there. She's already approximately 4 years old - middle aged.

I realize Millie has been adopted, so that is a dead issue.

To clarify my original post. I do understand that Millie will not live forever. Nothing ever does. It is the loyalty during the time you have them, that cannot be questioned. I should have said for as long as Millie is alive, you will have her complete and utter undying, love, respect, admiration and devotion. Can the same be said for your DIL?

Sorry for any confusion in the original posting.

[Weily4Life]

Jasmine is adorable. My previous post has much to do with my experience with my own Grandmother. A relationship between Grandparent and Grandchild can be so different and special compared to parent and child, at least in my case.

I was very close to one of my Grandma's. I do believe that was because I had the opportunity to stay at her house and do special things with her so many times because she lived so close. We stayed close and in contact even during her last 7 years of life when my situation moved me 600 miles away. When she fell and went in the hospital I quickly hopped an airplane to be by her side. She was confused but still knew who I was. The nurses even let me sleep in the empty bed next to her, so I was right there to calm her and help her when needed. Then when she went to the nursing home, something that she did not want to do and could not understand, I stayed with her day and evening for seven days helping her to adjust. (Her mind did clear up and she remained clear until the last few months of life). I made sure to get her a telephone for her room and pay the fees so we could stay connected. She lived 4 more years after going to the nursing home and we talked on the telephone at least weekly and I visited her once a year. I cherished this Grandma who passed away in December of 2006 at the age of 100. I have many fond memories of that Grandma.

Something I cannot say about my other Grandma whom I did not have time with and that lived 100 miles away.

Pets can be special, but grandchildren can not be replaced. I wish you many happy moments with Jasmine.

[deek72]

Originally Posted by Weily4Life

Jasmine is adorable. My previous post has much to do with my experience with my own Grandmother. A relationship between Grandparent and Grandchild can be so different and special compared to parent and child, at least in my case.

I was very close to one of my Grandma's. I do believe that was because I had the opportunity to stay at her house and do special things with her so many times because she lived so close. We stayed close and in contact even during her last 7 years of life when my situation moved me 600 miles away. When she fell and went in the hospital I quickly hopped an airplane to be by her side. She was confused but still knew who I was. The nurses even let me sleep in the empty bed next to her, so I was right there to calm her and help her when needed. Then when she went to the nursing home, something that she did not want to do and could not understand, I stayed with her day and evening for seven days helping her to adjust. (Her mind did clear up and she remained clear until the last few months of life). I made sure to get her a telephone for her room and pay the fees so we could stay connected. She lived 4 more years after going to the nursing home and we talked on the telephone at least weekly and I visited her once a year. I cherished this Grandma who passed away in December of 2006 at the age of 100. I have many fond memories of that Grandma.

Something I cannot say about my other Grandma whom I did not have time with and that lived 100 miles away.

Pets can be special, but grandchildren can not be replaced. I wish you many happy moments with Jasmine.

That's a lovely little story. Wifey and Jasmine have such a close bond it verges on ridiculous. I love her dearly but to see my those two play together for hour after hour is remarkable. They are on the bouncy castle together, taking turns on the slide, it just goes on endlessly. They are unbelievably close. It's like there is an invisible piece of string between them!
I'm feeling a little guilty now for having to think so hard about risking their relationship!
I think a lot of my disappointment could have been as much frustration as wanting to have Millie. I really don't take kindly to ultimatums especially ones that I think are unreasonable. That's beginning to subside a little now and we're picking Jasmine up Saturday morning till Sunday evening!
We'll see what happens about any future canine family members.

[TrinaJ]

I am so sorry that you missed out on adopting Millie because of your DIL's selfishness. I hope Millie has gone to a loving home.

As a parent of a 4 year old boy, no matter what the breed, I never ever leave them alone together. I am always there. Grandparents are ususally even more protective of their grandchildren then the actual parents, they dont want anything to happen to their Grandchildren (that's how my mum is).

Tell your DIL to check out this site, she may soon realise that rotty's are not bad dogs and not all other breeds are necessarily good, its how they are treated. All dogs have the ability to bite and attack. Rottweilers are just discriminated against because of bad publicity due to owners lack of responsibility of training a dog and treating it right.

I would also mention to her that you ARE going to get a dog and for her to get used to the idea. Tell her that the dog will be ob trained and crated when Jasmine stays over at your house. I would also mention to your DIL and your son that they should know you well enough that you would never jeoperdise the safety of your Grandchild and to even suggest that is just cruel and hurtful.

As to her comment about lock jaw, that's a myth. There is no breed that has the ability to lock their jaws. Granted their are some breeds that have stronger jaws than others but none of which who lock.

Good luck in finding another dog and thank you for trying to rescue Millie, I have no doubt that Jasmine would have been kept safe.

Trina

[deek72]

Originally Posted by TrinaJ

I am so sorry that you missed out on adopting Millie because of your DIL's selfishness. I hope Millie has gone to a loving home.

As a parent of a 4 year old boy, no matter what the breed, I never ever leave them alone together. I am always there. Grandparents are ususally even more protective of their grandchildren then the actual parents, they dont want anything to happen to their Grandchildren (that's how my mum is).

Tell your DIL to check out this site, she may soon realise that rotty's are not bad dogs and not all other breeds are necessarily good, its how they are treated. All dogs have the ability to bite and attack. Rottweilers are just discriminated against because of bad publicity due to owners lack of responsibility of training a dog and treating it right.

I would also mention to her that you ARE going to get a dog and for her to get used to the idea. Tell her that the dog will be ob trained and crated when Jasmine stays over at your house. I would also mention to your DIL and your son that they should know you well enough that you would never jeoperdise the safety of your Grandchild and to even suggest that is just cruel and hurtful.

As to her comment about lock jaw, that's a myth. There is no breed that has the ability to lock their jaws. Granted their are some breeds that have stronger jaws than others but none of which who lock.

Good luck in finding another dog and thank you for trying to rescue Millie, I have no doubt that Jasmine would have been kept safe.

Trina

Thanks Trina. Good suggestions to any reasonable person but I'm afraid they would only fall on deaf ears. I did say that I felt hurt that they did not seem to believe I was capable of completely protecting Jasmine, but they just said it wasn't me they didn't trust, but the dog. I just could not get them to listen. I think though that there are some situations where a reasonable comprise will never be reached and that this is one of them. It's going to be a case where either I get a dog and then wait to see if they come to accept it, or I don't get a dog at all. Great choice, eh?
We'll see.

Derek.