Problem with my niece

[Roxibear]

Chloe my niece is six and acts absolutely terrified of Roxi. I can understand how because Roxi must seem huge to her. She gets her fear of dogs from her dad. Anyway I have tried with her and actually had her clapping Roxi with no problems. Tonight however she was back to her usual self and no amount of talking would do. Roxi was picking up on this and was getting very excited, at one point Chloe actually ran and Roxi chased her. I had to put her out into the yard. Now Roxi didn't do anything wrong and thought it was just a game, but I actually had to say to my sister-in-law that if she keeps acting like that then its better she doesn't visit until she learned how to behave around dogs. She wasn't too happy, but I thought it better to offend now rather than a playful nip from Roxi getting blown out of proportion by the father. Have I done the right thing, my niece can act fine around Roxi but she gos into these frightened moods there is no bringing her round.

[Brooke&Ryan]

Why not just put the dog up when Chloe is over? Or is that not possible?

Some people are just not "dog people" & to some extent you must respect that. If there were someone coming over to my house who was scared of dogs I wouldn't make them interact. Julius would go to his crate & hang out for a bit with a marrow bone. He'd be happy as a clam.

Your niece might come around if the next time she arrives Roxi is in a crate. You can explain that you respected her wishes & put the dog up while she is over. Probably by the end of the child's stay she'll be asking for the dog to come out but if she doesn't well then you know how she feels about dogs.

There are children at the pre-school where I work who choose not to interact with Julius when he comes for a visit & I honor that request. Children's fears need to be respected just as adult's fears need to be respected.

Just my opinion.

Edit: I agree with Sandi. It's sad when fears are passed down from parent to child. Hopefully this little girl will be able to realize that some dogs can be friendly.

[LavenderRott]

I don't know how to help you niece, but I can't think but how sad this is. I have tried very hard not to pass my fears on to my children. My nieces are picky eaters because their parents are. It makes me sad to see what children miss out on because of their parents.

[samanthac]

I am not trying to be mean here, but if you know your niece is terrified of the dog, then you should not be pushing it. This is a very real and very scary fear and you need to try to respect it no matter how you feel about it. I know you want everyone to love Roxi, but not everyone is going to. I know you want to help your niece, but again it is not your place to.

I have to admit that putting myself in the same shoes, if you were my sister I'd be higly offended that you would have the nerve to suggest that I do not bring your niece to visit because of your dog. That you would put your dog's comfort over a my daughter's would really offend me. I'd probably tell you that I felt your priorities were out of whack...good thing I am not your sister.

Personally, I feel you stepped over the line a little here. The easy solution, and what I do when my various nieces and nephews are over, is to crate the dogs. Its easier for everyone all the way around. I see my dogs all the time. I see my family rarely and its the least courtesy I could extend to them.

[Roxibear]

Originally Posted by Brooke&Ryan

Why not just put the dog up when Chloe is over? Or is that not possible?

Some people are just not "dog people" & to some extent you must respect that. If there were someone coming over to my house who was scared of dogs I wouldn't make them interact. Julius would go to his crate & hang out for a bit with a marrow bone. He'd be happy as a clam.

Your niece might come around if the next time she arrives Roxi is in a crate. You can explain that you respected her wishes & put the dog up while she is over. Probably by the end of the child's stay she'll be asking for the dog to come out but if she doesn't well then you know how she feels about dogs.

There are children at the pre-school who choose not to interact with Julius when he comes for a visit & I honor that request. Children's fears need to be respected just as adult's fears need to be respected.

Just my opinion.

Edit: I agree with Sandi. It's sad when fears are passed down from parent to child. Hopefully this little girl will be able to realize that some dogs can be friendly.

Roxi is out of her crate now, thats how this is becoming an issue. If its raining I can't very well put her out. The sad thing is Roxi is fantastic with kids. If Roxi playfully knocked chloe over the father would absolutely freak and that would be the end of visits totally. I'm thinking of taking her along on nightly walks to see if this calms her down.

[samanthac]

Originally Posted by Roxibear

Roxi is out of her crate now.

Then perhaps it might be a good suggestion to get a folding crate that you can use when non-dog people come over. Pop the crate up, give Roxi a nice meaty marrow bone and she'll be in heaven. Mine could even care less about company when a bone is presented to them in their crate.

[Roxibear]

I've got a better idea, I'm going to tell my sister-in-law to get a new man who won't pass on horror stories.
I am taking chloes feelings into consideration but I don't want to make them any worse. All my family live close by and usually drop by unannounced so I wouldn't have time to go out and get the crate and assemble it. My wife is sitting next to me just now and has pointed out that her sister won't be too offended but will be more annoyed with her man for scaring chloe. I think I,m going to go with the nightly walks idea over the summer to try and ease her fears, without pushing her. In the meantime I'm off to phone the sister-in-law.

[Judi W]

On being a gracious host/hostess. I would suggest that the dog be put up during these visits. If accessing the crate is a problem, then I am sure you have a room or two with a door.

[Judy Chrusch]

I agree it's better all around to put the dog somewhere safe and away from anyone who is afraid. I have MANY people who are afraid of my dog and I simply crate him, no questions asked bc that fear is for real and there's no use having a potential problem where someone gets hurt. I have even had people who will NOT even go past the crate so I have to bring them in through another door . If that's what I have to do I do it bc my guests come first even though my dog means everything to me. I also have family members who haven't been to my house for over 10 years bc we've always had rotties and they have heard all the bad things and hearsays about the breed. I'm saddened by this but I don't have any control over it .

So the advice given by others to crate your dog or put her up somewhere is the best and only alternative.

Judy

[TrishB]

Okay, yes, you should put Roxi in her crate when your niece is around. Just assemble it, put it aside and have it at the ready for when they visit.

That being said, it's not like your niece only visits once in a blue moon. You said they drop by quite often. Therefore, this can't be a permanent decision.

What I would recommend is that when she's over, make a production of doing things with Roxi and that your niece has to be left behind due to her fear. Don't make her feel guilty about it. Rather, make her realize all of the fun she's missing out on!

After she's been there for about half an hour, say "You're going to have to sit down and watch tv or something while I go out and walk / exercise/ train / play with Roxi." Have a BLAST! with Roxi while you're doing it. Even if your niece doesn't try to watch from the window (which I bet she will), make a fuss about how much fun it was when you come back. Say you saw a robin red breast, the ice cream truck, Roxi played with a puppy, you're worn out from playing ball and need a drink. Anything really, just make a production out of it.

Your niece will be curious and will want to be included on all of the fun. Wait until she comes to you, she will! And be very supportive of any initiative she makes. She'll come around. Although you have to respect her fears, you don't have to encourage them by giving her the attention she's working so hard to get (proven by the fact that her fear increases with her 'moods').

[Judi W]

Great plan Trish. Don't let the child play with the dog..........

[Jango]

Would it be possible for you to get one of those folding pens? I bought one and I can hook it to jango's wire crate or I can form a circle and it makes an 8' by 8' circle. Lots of space for him. You can buy them in different sizes plus when not in use they fold up and can be put away. Just an idea. I have family who are wary of dogs too and no matter what I or anyone on this planet can do it will not change. If they come to my house I put him up.

[TrishB]

Originally Posted by Judi W

Great plan Trish. Don't let the child play with the dog..........

I don't see how what I said - said that at all. What I said was that the dog won't be interesting locked up in a crate or out of the way in the backyard. So when her niece is over, make a point of saying that she's going to go out and have fun with Roxi somewhere else, away from her so she won't scare her. Show her how much fun she's having, pike her interest, and let her come to the dog.

Out of sight, out of mind - she won't try to overcome her fears.

Show her that the dog can be fun and she'll eventually come around and want to have fun too.

I don't see how you could have read that as "don't let the child play with the dog"

[Judi W]

well, it was actually, watch all the fun you are missing out on! Being excluded is not at all what is attractive to anyone and it can easily stimulate a desire to join in. (my verbage was perhaps over-stated)

[LynnS]

You have gotten great advice

I just wanted to add that I feel it is important that my dog remains "crate trained" (comfortable in a crate) - Not only do I want the option of crating her in the house (rare) but when traveling in the car (always in a crate) going to training etc...The crate is her home away from home which is a plus to dog and human...