[williamwheeler]

Greetings all!

I'm actually not completely new to RDN - just many email addresses ago, and I needed a new login yesterday.

First off, let me just say that while I come to you all today for one very sad reason, I have come here before, and my Ben is all the better for all of the advice and stories I have come across here on RDN.

A background, my 8 year old male (actually 7 until May 26, 2008) had been experiencing some pain, and shying away from balls, tossed cookies, etc. over the past few months. I took him into the vet to do a once over, see if it was ouchy hips, or blurry vision, or something to cause him to wince away. No real results save for a "let's do a senior checkup."

Another vet visit and another opinion (different vet) and it was a problem with his teeth (dirty, yes, but not damaged) so, a dental workup, xrays, and a test for myositis was all done - Nothing.

It all came to a head this past Sunday night. Ben started yelping at random, nothing stimulating it like before, and each time, it seemed to escalate, and as he was doing this, he began to quickly run around, looking disoriented, and trying to find someplace to hide. It was the behavior changes that had me the most worried. He's such a creature of habit, that breaking his routine (not to mention his normally rock solid obidience) had me deeply concerned.

So, back to the vet - this time he wants to put us on some more painkillers, and i put my foot down, and say "not good enough, there's something wrong with my boy." So, after discussion, I get a referral to a neurologist today (i even asked if it could be bone related, to an answer of, not at all, see the neuro.)

Fast forward to today, and after a neuro consult, they want him under general to get an MRI done. the Neuro's report was "An MRI of the head and cranial aspect of the neck was performed. There is lysis of the right mandible at the level of the temporomandibular joint. There is some periosteal reaction in the surrounding muscle. I am concerned that this may be a bone tumor, but since this is outside of my are of expertise, we will have the scan reviewed by a radiologist."

I'm expecting the results tomorrow, and will share them here. I know better to dwell on what i can't, but its so hard. I was even doing ok until a little later in the waiting room, one of the assistants walked by, placing her hand on my shoulder and said "I'm so sorry, it always happens to the best ones."

I know there's so much to factor in, and so many things to consider from here on out: could the neuro be wrong? how bad is it? is it benign? has it spread already? that doesnt' even touch the issue of treatment...

Before I just wanted answers when I didn't have any - now all i have are more questions - leading up to the big one - how much time do i have with my Ben?

The one thing i do know for sure is this: On the way home, I was thinking all of this, talking with my family, trying to explain the parts I could explain, etc. And I kept looking up into my rearviewmirror, and seeing my boy's big, panting smile looking back at me. If he looks as happy as he did this time yesterday, maybe I should too. God, I love him. He has taught me so much.

- Bill