[lucasmom]

Mike-
I just read your post. We must have been writing at the same time. Thank you for providing me with the urn website. I am not sure if I am going to cremate or bury Lucas. If I bury him, I will purchase headstone. Enough talk about this...........I get too sad thinking of the inevitable.

I do want to tell you how touched I was reading your last post. Every word you said is EXACTLY what I have been thinking. It is so surreal going through this terrible experience. I keep thinking the same thoughts as you...." Maybe this isn't cancer"; "Maybe when/if the tumor breaks through the skin it will just drain and disappear"; "How do I know it IS CANCER since he never had a biopsy"....just silly, wishful thinking. But how I WISH THAT THIS COULD ALL BE A MISTAKE, A VERY BAD MISTAKE.

Sadly, I know that Lucas IS dying. The demon tumor is alive and well. Slowly eating away at my beloved dog's leg and invading the rest of his body. Tonight I just laid next to him and held him, smelling his scent and trying to memorize the smell of his fur. He smells so good. Rotties don't smell bad like other dogs. I don't ever remember Lucas smelling bad or funky. He is always so fresh and clean. I want to "drink in" as much of him as I can before he becomes just a memory. I almost resent the day that is approaching where my house will be free of dog fur and slobber. How many times have I slipped by Lucas' water bowl from the drool on the floor and almost broke my neck. Actually, I did break my little toe on his water bowl a couple of years ago as I turned the corner too quickly and slipped.

Mike...I think of you evey day and pray for strength for you. You are truly a remarkable man with the sensitivity and love for your dog that undeniably sets you apart. Good night my friend. Laurie