[Xena's Daddy]

Hello all,

I can't believe it's time to post on this forum........it was a little more comfortable in the 'Vets Corner'.

When I woke up this morning I found Xena laying in her favorite corner, but not very alert. She had a very sad & painful look in her eyes & was breathing funny. (Inhalation almost undetectable, but with quick, short exhales..........I fear this may have made it to her lungs!!) I went to her food bowl to see if she ever managed to eat last night, but it was still full. The cookie & the peanuts I left for her were still there as well. I knew right then that I had to call into work today.............

I layed with her & gave her some good quality 'pets', then decided to try the beef broth again. She drank it quite willingly, but still remained there, in her corner. I gave her the pain medication, but noticed that her mouth & throat were awfully cold. (A VERY strange feeling!!) Also, she did NOT swallow at all!! It was like her throat muscles no longer functioned. (I 'stick' the pills, one at a time, to my finger tip w/ a dab of her salivia & send them straight down the back of her throat. Found this to be the quickest & easiest way to administer. I think she liked it better too, as she didn't really taste them that way.) Also, she did NOT swallow at all!! It was like her throat muscles no longer functioned. I have no idea what happened to the pills..............Anyway,

A little while later I noticed that she was not there anymore.......so I looked in the usual places. She was not in the bathroom, but the beef broth was. I knew she must've been in the back room again, which is where I found her. Her breathing seemed a little worse now, only an hour later. I began to get dressed so I would be ready for when the Vet opened. (They like to do these things either early in the morning, or right before closing.........and I didn't think she'd make it that long......)
When I checked in on her again, she had had another bout of vomiting. This time it looked like the undigested food she had last eaten on Sunday. I guess I have a better understanding now of why she wouldn't eat. She was 'shutting down'...........and I was going to have to help her with that.

My girlfriend met me at the Vet on her way to work. She called in that she'd be a little late. She sat in my truck with Xena while I filled out the paperwork & pre-paid the bill. (I did NOT want to see anyone after the fact) When I went back to the truck to get them, my Girlfriend said, "Thank God you came back! I didn't think she was gonna' make it into the office!" It was pretty obvious. My decision was getting easier.......waiting any longer would have been a drastic mistake!!

They laid out a nice 'doggy comforter' on the floor, which after carrying her in, is where the three of us laid for the next 15-mintues before I told them, "We're ready!" (Hardest words I've ever mustered.......) Her favorite Vet came in (I actually requested her, as they were always fond of each other) and hung out petting her for a while too. Then she did what she had to do, and it was done. Right there, on the floor, with me & my girlfriend hugging & petting her. She suddenly looked SSOOO peaceful!!! She really changed in an instant!! Her eyes immediately looked almost happy again!! I didn't even realize it was over, since I was told it could take a minute, to a minute & a 1/2. But she went within the first couple of seconds.......like 2-3. She couldn't have been any more ready............

She laid her head on her bad leg in such a way as to cover the tumor with her ear, then passed comfortably. She had an almost pleasant look on her face, which she has not had in the last 2-days. My girl is finally free........................

Up until last night, she had still been her old self. Other than the pain she felt in her wrist, she seemed fine. Kept eating, and walking around the house, responding to me just like any other day of her life. Wanting to go outside, barking at squirrels. But last night was noticably different. Everyone's been saying up 'till now that I would 'know when it's time', and that she would 'let me know'. Well, I'd like to say that those statements couldn't have been any more thruthful. It was exactly like that! There was no mistaking it.....she was telling me, and I could see it clearly.
She was so ready to go once we got to the Vet, that she actually made it as easy for me as it could've possibly been. She was indeed 'ready', and therefore, so was I.

I want to thank everybody on this forum who posted to her previous thread with all of your kind words, good advice, and genuine concern. It has certainly helped me prepare for this event over the last month.

And to everyone else who is about to face this same valiant responsibility, I wish you all the strength you'll need for this final selfless act. You're 'kids' need this from you right now, more than they've ever needed anything from you before!!!

And I'd also like to mention that as hard as it was, and still is, there was an instant sense of relief.......It was hard to feel it through all the pain of the moment, but it was definately there.......I could feel it right away!!

May we all be blessed with an easy ending......
Mike