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So..jlaack you are very fortunate to have such great vets at your area of the country. I was wondering...you are so knowlegeable, are you a vet yourself?
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NO, I am definitely not a vet. And I wouldn't be offended if you thought badly of my professional group either not at all related to veterinary medicine. There are good and bad professionals in every sector of the economy IMO.
I am VERY sorry to hear about your very negative experiences as they are disheartening to hear. I don't disbelieve these experiences at all, it is just very frustrating because I was so pleased with the oncologists in my time(s) of crisis that it is frustrating when others have an experience that is so opposite.
Don't get me wrong, I have also had bad experiences with vets (and doctors). One oncologist in particular--I refused to let him have any direct involvement of my dogs care. He was very technically competenet but he was so technical in his manner of practicing medicine that I felt my dog might not do well being going through chemo tx with him. I spoke for my dog and insisted this person not provide care for my dog (he didn't) and this individual was also the head of the oncology department. Additionally my dog most likely lost his leg because of a veterinary error. We trusted a regular vet to recast his leg post op--big mistake. The positioning wasn't correct and afterwards our dog didn't put his leg down once until after the next surgery. The radius was shattered but we tried to correct it twice, then tried a different technique and last took the leg. I learned a valuable lesson, and after that I permitted no one but our surgeon to have anything to dog with our dogs leg until it was removed. We also have a very expensive prosthetic in our attic which I only trust to collect dust. So I guess, I do understand bad experiences. What I mostly found appalling (with your experience) is the oncologists lack of willinginess to explain things or discuss things with you. Knowledge is power and shame on them for being unwilling to share their knowledge.
I recall you posting about the 3 weeks to live estimate and that is just so incredibly ridiculous. That vet obviously doesn't have a clue what he/she is talking about. The saddest thing (IMO) is that if I had been told that by a vet after my dog was dx, I likely would have believed that my dog had about a month and there was nothing I could do. And I am sure that there are owners out there that make decisions and think things that aren't accurate simply because they trust the vets position without question. We
have had times when the answer to our questions was, I don't know, or this is just a guess... Yes it can be a little scary to have that be an answer to your concern but I'd rather have the truth than an answer that may not be accurate.
Again I am sorry that the professionals you have turned to for help have been more harmful than helpful. I am also glad that you have found someone that is helping you to care for your dog. On a different note; there is a non-profit in MD, run by two vets. Here is their site:
Kate Koogler Canine Cancer Fund : Help us fund cancer research for large breed dogs.. Since they are closer to your geographically they might know of an oncologist that would be open to having a conversation with you just to share information with you about your dogs dx, not information about tx.