[kerry]

It was two years ago today that I kissed your beautiful face for the last time..We tried but that old body just wasn't going to work anymore...Had you been a small dog..I would have slapped a diaper on you and carried you around like a newborn for as long as I could have...selfish, I know...but I would have...and I'm not sure you would have minded...you were a big baby...but you out-weighed me and I couldn't have picked you up if my life depended on it..

As I watched the life fade from your body, I felt my own, as it were, ending as well...Our life..you and me..My innocence, my arrogance, the casual way I assumed we were untouchable...shattered...gone...never to return..Even in your death..you continued to teach me..

Most days I can get through dry eyed..there are still "breakdown moments"..usually after maybe one too many beers...that the empty space by my side where you are suppose to be is still overwhelming..That space..the silence...

I still call your name when I'm walking up my sidewalk..I don't know why..As if your spirit is gonna wait in the house all day!!crazy, I know...I know you are with me...

I try to focus on the good times we had..but my favorite thing to do it seems is to beat myself up for being such a moronic fool when I got you...although you never seemed to notice....I would give anything to shower you with the wisdom and education I have now...You could have done anything..you were so smart...but it was not to be...For you had to be teacher..not the student..

Because of you,...I'm just better...a better person...all the way around...

I can't believe it's been two years...I miss you more everyday it seems...if that's possible...I long for "our life"...I love my husband..I love the animals I have in my life now...(Shadow is turning out to be a beautiful lady...You would have ADORED her!!)But secretly, I miss our youthful days when it was just me and you...us against the world...I miss your smile..that way you would always pause in front of the fridge on the way outside and look up at me with those"I'm sooooo hungry" eyes..your complete inability to allow my husband to pick me up...(still not sure what that was but it was sooo cute..hard to explain.)I miss your zoomies...I was so happy when we got out of that little apt. so you could actually run in your big yard...I can just see you now....wiggle...zoom...wiggle...zoom.....I miss our burger runs...I will never know how you could wolf that burger down and still manage to spit the pickle out...I miss looking at you..You were sooo beautiful..Your fur like black glass..even as I laid the earth around you..till the end...You were just so handsome...Shadow shares the look of your fur...(the vet even suspects her birth date to be around the same time as you left...could it be?)I even miss the bed being so crowded I was damn near on the floor and you all stretched out...I just miss you..Wolfgang..miss you so much..

Loving you always...missing you always...till we meet again...