[PuppyLove]

You have always been there for me when I needed you. Every day for the last 7 1/2 years, you have been there, wagging your little nub and barreling into me, thinking you only weighed 10 pounds. You used to fit in the palm of my hand and grew to barely fitting in my lap. We used to hike in the hills and hang out at the barn, you rolling in the dirty shavings then running over excited to share, like you had discovered some new land.

Remember when I would garden in the yard. You always loved when I did, lying next to me in the sun on the grass, waiting for the next plant, because you would get the plastic pot to run through the yard with. You loved that and it always made me smile and laugh out loud, no matter how many times you did it.

We've been through a lot, you and I. Lots of changes and lots of places. But through it all, we were together. You were my one constant. When I went through my toughest times, you were my rock, lying so close you were a part of me, pushing into me as I cried harder and harder, letting me hang on as if you were the only thing keeping me together. And now you aren't here as I cry for you. I feel like something has broken inside and there is no fix for this pain. I wish I could change things. I wish you were still here.

Waking up this morning and not having you follow me to the bathroom crushed me. We had just moved to the new house I bought with the big yard for you and Roxy. All the plans I had for it, to make you comfortable, one story so you didn't have to climb the stairs anymore. And you only had one night in it before you had to go.

You hadn't been sick. You were always so stoic. The only sign something was wrong was that you were quieter than usual and didn't dive in to your breakfast like you normally do. I thought you were just adjusting to the new house. Only when I noticed you weren't right behind me like you always are, velcro dog, did I find you lying in the entry way. You struggled to get up when I called you and then you struggld to walk to me. It breaks my heart now thinking about how you wobbled down the hall to me, because that's what you always did. You always tried to please me.

I got you to the emergency room as fast as I could, but you had lost so much blood, baby. They tried really hard. I promise you they did. They gave you fluids and 3 bags of blood but coudn't get you stable for surgery. They came out to tell me you weren't doing well and that I should go back to see you. On my way back, the tech ran out to say you were going and I ran. I ran as fast as I could to be with you. I couldn't let you go by yourself. You didn't know those people. You needed me. I held you tight and told you how much I loved you and that you could stop fighting now. I told them to help you go and I stroked your head and told you to just sleep. Letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Baby boy, I am so sorry I couldn't help you. No one knew you had a tumor on your spleen. If I would have known, you know I would have done everything possible to make you better. All I could do, though, was help you stop hurting. I love you so much and miss you with everything I have. This house is so empty right now without you. Your sister keeps waiting for you to walk in the kitchen door.

You and I shared a special bond that can never be replicated. All my love to you in your new special place. Stay safe, dig all you want, roll and roll and roll on the carpet and never worry about getting it dirty, have an endless supply of stuffed animals that you can shred to your hearts content, getting the biggest cookie jar ever, and find the most comfortable sofa you can, take an arm, watch tv (you always watched tv) and wait. Someday I'll be there to share that sofa with you.

Cyrus
6/21/00 -2/2/08

Konig Cyrus Der Grosse
Cyborg
Syril
Cy
Melonhead
Mr. Mann
Boo Boo
Baby Boy