Well, this group gives pretty good dog behavior and trainig advice, but I don't know that it is reknown for marital/family counseling and that appears to be your need. Crating when your dog is unattended, and total attention to him when he is not. And absolutely, the crated time must be reasonable. You expressed that you allowed your other dog to go potty in the house when it was growing up. This is something I simply do not understand no matter what the circumstances.
Now, an alternative suggestion. What about a doggy door that goes into a secure, LOCKED, dog run?