[Angel's Mommy]

My baby died last week. This is the first time that I could return, knowing that the last time I was here I was hoping for someone to tell me that my baby didn't have cancer. Unfortunately, she succumb to the disease. It was last Saturday that I left to go to the store for a while. I left her in the morning and she was fine! Playful as always, giving those puppy eyes for human food. I wish I could have given her just one last pat on the head, one last walk or one last I love you. My mom called as I was leaving the store, a little while later urging me to come home. Angel was listless and her eyes drooping. She was curled up and whining. When I got home she could barely walk... I knew this would be her last car ride... oh how she loved them. On the way there I remembered the time it had started to rain, the window was lowered and she started biting the rain! This time though, she was actually lying down on the seat, something I could never get her to do. They kept her at emerg overnight running tests and giving her pain medication to ease her pain. As the phone rang early Sunday morning I knew who it would be on the other end. The vet asked me to come to the hospital, Angel had taken a turn for the worse, the pain medication was not working and tests had come back. Her bladder had ruptured due to the mass that they found just months ago. It had seemed that the medication was working... there was no more blood in the urine, she was eating even more than usual and, even on that Saturday before the clinic, she was her usual puppy self. I had to make the decision I had been dreading since I saw that first spot of blood. I had to tell the doctor to put my baby down. I stayed with her, I thanked her for all that she had brought to my life... I asked God to find her a nice warm spot to curl up in and wait for me and then I said goodbye to my best friend. It is so quiet now. She's not there to move my arm to get one last pat on the head, or one last belly rub. There's no kibble for me to sweep up, no friend to say goodnight to. I miss her so much and unfortunately this pain will never really go away, she isn't here anymore. She never will be... and that is the hardest part of it, I know that I did all that I could, I know that I did the right thing... That doesn't ease my pain because I know that my best friend is gone.