[akflorjancic]

St. Patrick's day is the one year anniversary of our girl Star making her trip to the Bridge. I remember almost every detail of that entire day as if it were yesterday. From when she woke me up at 3am and laid next to my side of the bed (which she never did, and how I knew that she was telling us that it was time to let her go), the ride home from the vets office, and until I cried myself to sleep that night. The silence of the house, for me, was the hardest thing.

Star's ashes sit in a black and tan urn that was custom made by a place in the Napa Valley we found on our honeymoon. They had several pictures of her that they used as inspiration in creating the beautiful piece of pottery that became her final resting place. She watches over us every day, and enters my mind all the time.

I've been able to move past the rawness of the early weeks and months. I no longer feel the incredible pain of her loss, save on rare occasions, like this week. I haven't been myself this week, and as the day draws near, I find myself thinking of her more and more. She was our first dog as a married couple, and our first Rott. She taught us much, and she bore the brunt of the learning curve that new dog owners go through. She missed her two year anniversary with us by a week, but I couldn't let her be in pain one day longer. It is my belief that her role in life was to teach Karen and I how to be good dog owners, not being a breeding bitch like she was for the first 6+ years of her life, only to be abandoned on the side of the road when she developed uterine issues. I would like to find those people and admonish them for what they did, then tell them how lucky we were that Star found us to have as her people her final 2 years.

We adopted a 2 year old Rott the June after Star left and she's really given us the chance to heal. I threw myself into her training (obedience and some agility). We send her to doggie day-care to burn off some energy and play with friends. I look at Stella and know she is not Star. Never will be. I have found joy in watching her sleep, teaching her new things and watching her mature. I don't think she and Star would have been friends, per se, but I know that Star's happy that we've got another Rott in the house, although she's probably ticked that we let Stella on the couch, although I know she slept there when we were gone.

One year. Sometimes it seems like 10 years, other times 10 days.

We miss you.