I am so sorry you are in so much pain right now. You are not boring anyone, and it is good to get it out. The more you talk about it the better you will feel. I don't think Jake suffered, but is in peace right now. The suffering was going on while he was sick.
:( You did what was best for him. He could not make that decision, you as his mom had to. He will always be in your heart, and try to focus on all the good times. Are you pregnant right now? I wasn't able to tell, if you are or have recently had a baby. That is great either way. I cannot have children, and Zeke has been like that to me, along with my two cats.
I don't know how soon you will get a new puppy but I am sure Jake will be watching over all of you, and just remember, just when it seems like it is the end of the world and it cannot feel any worse, it will get better. I suffer from a mood disorder, and I know first hand what being down ALL the time for no reason can be like. I wish you the best with both of your new babies.
Lori
